If you've read this, thanks for caring... It's a shame you live so far away

"I don't expect replies, I just need to vent...

Tonight I find myself to incredibly depressed...
I hate my life, I hate the few friends I have, I'm sure there's a reason for all of that but I just don't give a f**k. I hate that I can't have a normal relationship with people, or hold down a relationship with a girlfriend.

I'm absolutely positive that everyone thinks I'm a lazy, useless, deadbeat because of my SA. Quite frankly, I'm absolutely sick of trying to fight this, trying to be normal, and socialize, and have friends.... Trying to move out of my parents house when all they do is tell me why it's not a good idea.

I hate living in society, I hate maintaining relationships, I hate who I've become. I used to want to kill myself when I feel as depressed as I am, but since I had an extremely bad Salvia trip, I know that I don't want to die. SO I'm stuck here, feeling this way.

I hate chancellors, I've never been to a therapist and I really don't want to go. Like I said, I'm sick of trying. I f**king hate feeling this lonely, as if no one understands. At least, nobody here, that I can physically talk to. (this forum is still absolutely great btw)

So what do I do? I can't stay in my stressful part-time job because nobody could make a living off of it. I basically have to go back to school, which freaking terrifies me to the core. I don't want to do group work, presentations, exams, essays, and assignments. I've already done that and I hated it, I got so stressed out I couldn't stand it, I started cutting myself until I dropped out.

Deep down in my soul I just want to run away from it all. I want to run away and not care about any of it, just to be free from from this life and for once have a genuine smile on my face.

I HATE LIFE. I HATE WHO I AM, I WANT OUT... -sigh-

If you've read this, thanks for caring... It's a shame you live so far away.

Peace."

Source: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/sooooo-depressed-75005/