Feels like this thing is being pierced through my heart and being twisted

"Emotionally. I’m dying in a very painful manner.

Feels like this thing is being pierced through my heart and being twisted

I’m making myself unhappy. I know that. I wanna stop. But somehow I can’t.

Depression

I think that’s what I’m going through. Depression. Feels like my heart stopped beating on purpose. To kill me slowly.

I’m going insane Lord. I really am.

My prayer: Dear Lord Jesus. It’s me. Kaichi here, a human being whom You said You would take care of properly, diligently. I have a problem here Lord. You know what I mean. My question is Lord, why? Why in the world do You give me such suffering or why do You let me dig my own hellhole? I’m trying to climb back up here. And yet….You always find things to make it harder. I’m not blaming you Lord, but if You’re trying to mould me as a The Clay Maker, You’re overdoing it I think. Lord, are You done? SPM is near Lord. I need to be prepared. I need to climb out of the hole. Lord, I know You can hear my prayers, its Your timing which until now I can’t comprehend. Your timing seems so wrong always Lord. Yet, You’re never wrong. I need Your wisdom Lord, help me understand what You want. Amen

PS: Lord, I really think You’re overdoing it.

No one but the Lord and I controls my own emotion.
But why can’t I control them now?
Answer: Depressed? Stressed? Emo?

I really don’t know what’s going on in me. Happy one moment, sad the other. Resentful one moment, understanding the other. I’m killing myself from the inside aren’t? I need Your help Lord. I need you all Mamak Geng. I need you all church peeps, I need all of you now.

I need you"

Source: http://kchi1992.blogspot.com/