My story does not have a happy ending

"I hate my life. I am going to kill myself. I don't know when but i am going too. I m tired of being used and abused. My heart cannot take this shit anymore. I want to die. I want her to feel my suffering. I want her to feel my death. I don't believe in God. I never will. I don't believe in Him making things new. I believe that it depends on the persons motivation to get better. I know now that i will never be happy. So i must not try to be happy. There is no point. I think my chest will explode one day. It is slowly wasting away. Everything is wasting me away. Please take these feelings away. I don't wanna have to think about her one more day. I don't wanna cry at night anymore. I feel trapped and hopeless. There is nothing i can do anymore. I loved her. And now that she is gone i have no hope. I will be dead soon. I will never feel alive again. I am going to die. Silently with no one around. I will die in a room filled by water. Oh but not the water you drink. The water from which heartbreak and sadness come from. I just want to feel alive. My clock is ticking. And when my time is up. I will no longer be alive. I use to think that someone would save me. But i know no one will. My story does not have a happy ending. It will not end like some spiderman movie, or a batman adventure. It ends like a broken record, who got put away, and will never see the light again. I feel like shit. The hospital did nothing for me. I cant remember anything i learned in there and to be honest, it wouldn't have helped me anyways. My life is worthless. Shes in my head. And Ill die with her in my head. It seems like so long ago. Yet so close. But in the darkest of nights, if my memory serves me right. Ill never turn back time. I have to forget you, oh but never the time. I want the people who have betrayed my soul to be happy after i die. I want them to realize that they will never have to see me again. I hope that makes them happy. I hope the lost and depressed find themselves back home. In the safety of their beds. They deserve that. Everyone does. I don't know why i write. Its not like anyone will give a shit about it. It will just go lost in time. I want their to be no one at my funeral. I want the ghost of me to plant me into the ground. I want to feel alone in the solitary ground. I want to feel the worms eating my body alive. I don't want to scream. I want it to be silent. I want my pain and suffering to go unnoticed. It will be like the song I'm listening. It has such meaning. And such heartbreak. Songs are the only things that tell truth. When everything tells you whispers of deception, songs seem to make you believe that someone is just like you. I sit here, talking to the girl that once made me wanna cry myself to death. I don't know what i should do. I wanna walk away. I do. But i just wanna be in love with her. She is so amazing and beautiful. I want to be with her and make her feel like the amazing girl that she is. I will never forget you Danielle, you were my first true love. You are so perfect and i wanted to experience everything with you. I hope your life gets better without me in it. I'm falling slowly and i can see the ground. I can see my body hitting the ground and exploding everywhere. I can see my death. I can see I'm not good enough for her. I can see it. "

Source: http://thoughtsfromadyingatheist.blogspot.com/2009/10/suicidal-tendencies.html