I just feel like life is just too much for me

"I'm not really sure where to start. This will all probably sound a bit rambly. I've always been a very sad and lonely person I suppose. All my life it's never taken much to make me feel bad. These last few years it feels like what's been required to make me feel bad has been getting smaller and smaller and the length and severity of the depression and anxiety that such things cause in me have been getting worse and worse.

About two years ago I tried to get help, my doctor perscribed me various medications and I went to see several different therapists. The drugs never seemed to lessen the feelings of depression and anxiety and the therapists never seemed to be able to help either.

I get depressed over the fact that my life feels so empty and unfufilling and it seems like there's no hope of me ever having the kind of life I want. And I get anxiety over all the people I have to deal with everyday. At my jobs I've always had customers or co-workers who treated me like crap and left me with horrible feelings of anxiety that would last for days or even weeks.

At 22 I went to back to school, I started out studing history and eventually set my eye on getting my Masters of Library Science and for a while I was filled with a little bit of hope. I felt like maybe this would be my chance to feel like I was doing something with my life and maybe make some new friends for the first time since I was a child. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing something worthwhile, other times I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I'm in my second year and I've failed to make any friends. When it comes to my choice of eventual career I'm often filled with fears that I'll graduate but I'll never be able to get such a job or even handle one.

I don't really have any friends to turn to, I really only have one close friend I really hang out with and he sometimes treats me like shit, especially in front of other people. He did this earlier today and I ended up hitting him, which is the cause of my current spike in depression and anxiety, so I don't know if I really have any close friends. Making new ones is just so difficult, people sometimes act friendly to me but when I try to turn one of my few acquantances into a friend they always seem to decline.

As far as dating goes, I dream of one day being in a relationship with a girl, but I've only been able to summon the courage to ask out three girls in my entire life and they've all turned me down. I just have a hard time approaching girls because of my looks (I'm ugly) my weight (I'm fat) and the fact that i'm poor, still live at home and the fact that small things can sometimes make me break down and cry. I'm a few weeks away from turning 24 and I fear i'm either going to die one day without having had sex or even kissed a girl or I'm going to have to pay for it to happen.

I don't what else to say... I just feel like life is just too much for me. I just can't handle it."

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/9xsfd/i_feel_like_i_just_cant_handle_life/