I sleep on thorns

"Hello sleeping in the middle of doing assignments! I need to get myself a table filled with thorns so that when I do fell asleep, I sleep on thorns. Slept while thinking of possible designs for an… apse. But forget that. I had a disturbing dream. One that might or might not reflect my current mental state. Even before anything happened, I was already aware I was in a dream. Or at least, I should have been considering I was seeing myself. I was sitting on my bed, Japanese style and oddly enough, wondering, how good it would be to die. Regrets? I had none. So, MAGICALLY, I brought up my hand which wield a kitchen knife and held the handle with both my hands with the blade facing towards my chest. Oddly enough yet again, I was thinking, I wonder if it hurts, but that though quickly got thrown to the side with just a, oh well, I’ll die soon anyway, and with a slight hesitation, I brought the knife to my chest and I even wondered, should I scream? It’s painful. I thought it was wise for me to scream but it seemed laughable so I just slumped to one side and waited for the pain to subside. Rather than my vision disappearing hazily, it was suddenly all black. My eyes were still open though (mind you, as stated before I was looking at myself). It felt so nice just lying there in that place. The black felt comforting and the void, reassuring.

And THAT, was when I got back to reality, waking up in front of my laptop, with a pencil in hand. I kind of pondered but I don’t think I’m that depressed enough to kill myself yet but the thought of not needing to worry about things anymore and the comfort and satisfaction felt when I was lying there in that realm of black felt right. Wouldn’t it be boring just lying down in a place where darkness and light did not exist? Just you, and all the black. But in the dream, it felt right. I didn’t have any regrets, I didn’t have any lingering feelings, I felt not happiness, not sadness but just a state of calmness.

No, I still have far too much to do before I leave this world :)

But, maybe I am depressed…"

Source: http://nanas.gla-la-lam.com/?p=343