"It feels like I'm slowly losing my mind. I don't know how to explain this. I still have a firm grip on reality, though. I don't know...I honestly can't explain it. I think I've been having some suicidal ideation, but I'm not sure. I have not been feeling like I want to do it. It's not really an option for me, but I've been curious about it. I don't really want to commit suicide...I don't want to die. I guess I want to just sell everything and go somewhere far away. Start over. I feel like everyone in my life has caused me some sort of pain and they just aren't worth it right now. I'm very disappointed with my life and how it has turned out. I'm almost 30 and I have nothing. No family of my own, no relationship (I think I inadvertetnly destroyed my last and most meaningful one). In the past two years, I have blown over $15,000 in savings trying to support me and my ex after she lost her job. I live paycheck to paycheck on a very good salary. I have maxed out credit cards that were previously payed off and can't even afford to make the minimum payments. I now have a strained relationship with my family when we had a wonderful relationship. I'm in school and I have absolutely no drive to complete my assignments. I have been diagnosed with clinical depression and am now seriously considering medication because I don't think I can do it on my own anymore. I feel like I can't function as an adult. I feel like I can't do anything right. If I'm cleaning the house, everything else falls to the wayside. If I'm working on my finances, then the house is not clean. Why can't I do what it is that I'm supposed to do as an adult?? It's embarrasing and I'm tired of being ashamed of myself. I don't know what is happening to me, but I'm so tired of it. I just want to start over. I want to cut ties with everyone and just walk away. I think it would be better, and I almost don't care what anyone else would think or feel about it. I don't know what to do with myself anymore. It's so hard. I'm tired of being in constant pain. I'm tired of no one understanding me. I'm tired of the crying...I wish I could just turn my emotions off. Nobody else cares, so why do I have to? Why can't I be as uncaring as everyone else???"
Source: http://www.depressionforums.org/forums/Time-I-ve-Admitted-This-t43737.html
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According to the World Health Organization, approximately one million people die from suicide every year. This globally translates to roughly one suicide every 40 seconds. This does not include suicide attempts; which are up to 20 times more frequent than completed suicides.
Recently, there has been an internet trend that involves people blogging about their suicidal intent. In a way, this can be a good thing because it can allow us to talk to these individuals and provide some hope. Unfortunately, these posts are frequently left unread like those of George Sodini, which resulted in the death of him and three other women.
With this blog, I want to find people who are seeking help online and post it in one place for people to access and utilize. These people may not have anyone else to talk to other than the people online or simply may not be able to afford professional help. If they are expressing their thoughts publicly on blogs, they will hopefully be receptive to comments on their posts. I hope to connect those who wish to give help through discourse, with those who need it.
Recently, there has been an internet trend that involves people blogging about their suicidal intent. In a way, this can be a good thing because it can allow us to talk to these individuals and provide some hope. Unfortunately, these posts are frequently left unread like those of George Sodini, which resulted in the death of him and three other women.
With this blog, I want to find people who are seeking help online and post it in one place for people to access and utilize. These people may not have anyone else to talk to other than the people online or simply may not be able to afford professional help. If they are expressing their thoughts publicly on blogs, they will hopefully be receptive to comments on their posts. I hope to connect those who wish to give help through discourse, with those who need it.
Contact Information:
Shahnawaz.w.ali@gmail.com
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- Nobody can say that I didn’t try to fight for my life
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