Nothing is important to me anymore

"ok…so theres just alot of crap thats been going on my whole life, and im 15 and because of this i never had a childhood or a teenagehood and i grew up really fast and now im 15 and i take on to much i put these burdons on my back because i feel like i have to i have a duty to my family! and just these last 2 days ive felt like theres something in my head ready to explode and i can literally feel the pressure and i get really really bad tension headaches and i get anxious and scared about random stuff! and im not eating properly…meaning barely at all. i just feel like ive held it together for so long and kept it inside but now the cracks are showing and im scared because i feel crazy! really crazy but i dont like see or hear or smell things that arent there or anything its just im scared im gonna go crazy!
amnyway ill tell you whats actually wrong
summary:
brother and sister born with aspergers, adhd and other types of autism (skipped me)
got beat up by older brother, sometyimes younger sister (when i was a kid for example, hitting, punching, kicking,choking,throwing against walls ect..)
mother cliniically depressed…vegetable on couch, we dont talk, i say i love her she ignores me and says nothing, when i speak i might as well not bother, i dont want to see her clinically depressed anymore! i use to hear her cry, and thats the last thing a child wants their mother to be doing.

dad and me, best friends, but he is sad because mum is always taking his money and he works everyday then comes home and cooks and cleans and i try to help but he dosent notice and i dont want to see him sad anymore

my brotehr is disowned by my dad because he quit school stole 2 thousand doallrs form my dad twice and dad paid heaps of money to get him help but then sam got lazy and he wont get a job or anything and he smokes and all this other crap and he is also clinically depressed!

i help them in everyway i can! but i cant take a break from thinking abotu it cause that is selfish of me, to think of myself, and i dont get along with people my age and i dont want to

nothing is important to me anymore i dont want to do anything and things that were important to me arent anymore
and my mum has binge eating disorder and my dad exercises to the point were its dangerous and this has made me confused! and now im anorexic because i find my mother and food disgusting!

im not sure wether to be mad or sad or feel sorry for my mum and i think abot it aLL THE TIME! and thats whats confusing me! i want a mum! i want my dad back! *tears* sigh…and im moving schools next year going into year 9 and you know…i went from a sorta safe environment (at school that is
) to a not so safe one…its the summer holidays and…i have to much time to think and i cant live at my friends house!…and im always scared that someones going to kill themselves! sriously…and i just…i donno feel liek there should be something i can do although im doing everything i can! and i want my dad to leave my mum and i would go witht him because he deserves better but then i miss my bro and sis cause they will stay with her and she’ll think i dont love her and get even more depressed which i dont knwo how that is possible but i guess it is! and leik shes alresady tried to kill herself a few times! and once they did split and dad was alone becuase i couldnt live iwth him because he worked alot but now its NOT the day after my eleventh birthday im 151 i can take care of myself….sigh…
i feel trapped and chlosteraphobic, im never going to get out of this cycle you knwo the one thats like “im so selfish if i do anything for myself, this is my responsibity it will always be,fun!? excuse me who said you could have fun, not to mention why do you want fun your barely a teenager, you werent even a kid!” that cycle, and im lonely because…i just want a mum i would give up every once of sanity for them to be happy! i just them to be happy so bad…i dont want ot see them sad anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! but they will always be that way…i dont even knwo how many times my mother has been to a phycologist or how many tablets shes on or how many times shes over dosed! and my dad had to go it alone while i was to young! and he bitches about my mum to my neighbours and thats just…not good, my mother is a child! and im the adult, its alwyas been that way. she didnt even earn to read or write or do anything becuase her parents neglected her which is what shes doing to me, i mean my siblings did need her more but i need her! i mean i could ener have her! i could ebevr do dancing til this year becuase of financial problems i sacrificed everything all my life, to amke it a little bit more convenient for them and thats why im moving schools because its easier for my mum because she can sleep in 20 minutes longer because shes happy when she sleeps!…
do you now see why my head is going to explode!?
help…amnd councellors are off limits because that w
would mean that my parents would find out! and that unnecessary stress and sadness and inconvenience i dont want to give them. sorry about my typos…i got overwhelmed…"

Source: http://www.howdoigetmydadoffdrugs.com/2010/03/10/ok-i-think-im-on-the-verge-of-a-mental-breakdownplease-please-help/