I could choke myself to death if I wanted

"I'm destined to be alone.And I swear anyone who says different will go in my black book.
I screw EVERY opportunity up, evry relationship dies after a month.
And I havent even had a guy interested in me for 2 years! !
I have NO FRIENDS
the ppl I associate are my brother friends.
And I cant spend my days talking to them forever
I only go outside to go to work or to get food..
I screwed up my chance of havn a bf, now I have absolutly no chance of ever being with him.
its horrible
my family doesnt even want me, I doubt they even like me


I'm sick of people underestimating me
And my will power
but its all in the wrong spot and I like it like that
I could choke myself to death if I wanted too.
I made myself pass out once.
It felt so good"

Source: http://www.secrettalk.com/secrets/fml-such-an-orignial-title-/14325897/

I just get the feeling that killing myself will set myself free

"i dont have the slightest clue of what's going on with me... i have bad jealousy issues, my mood changes from time to time and i wanna be alone, i think of commiting suicide when i usually get sad, and sometimes im just plain ol depressed. as a child i use to be so happy before my dad's girlfriend came into the picture and took a dump on my world and put reality right in my face. i still was a kid when that happened and from then on there my childhood was rough, and as i grew up more problems started to come to surface. i started gaining weight, my step mom got locked up, my dad was a working fiend, my brother gave me hell, i had alot of lonely nights, i was teased in school, and my mom wasnt around to show me any love. this happened when i was between the ages of 8-13. and when i turned 14 i moved with my mom and my dad kinda walked out on me. my mom teased me about my weight and called me alotta not so good but not so bad names.i wasnt teased in school anymore, thank god, but things still weren't easy. im 18 now but three years ago was when my dad officially walked out on me and i miss him so much and his absense saddens me so. i constantly stress and worry, and most times i feel happy but the smallest things makes me sad or i start to feel like shit, and then my self esteem gets lower than it already is. now i stress more than ever bcuz my mom has cancer and shes getting sicker by the moment and im left stuck in a house that makes me wanna kill myself all day taking care of her and my lil sis.( i just had to shorten the story, its deeper than that). at a young age i tried to kill myself and tho i dont ever try to do that stuff again, i just get the feeling that killing myself will set myself free....idk i need help my mind is clouded and i have such great friends but my negativity may drive them away. i try not to act like a "bitch" but i cant help it, sometimes i like to be the rain on people's parade. I get jealous when i see my friends having such a good time with each other and not with me(even tho they are trying to have fun with me im just not realizing it), then i just stop talking to them, then start ignoring them, and then i just want to walk the other way and be alone...the littlest thing will flip the mood switch me, i dont understand...."

Source: http://community.mentalhelp.net/showthread.php?t=2635

I have no friends or family

"I want to kill myself and keep the burden off my family. I have no money, no job, losing house, 3 kids. 48 old?

I am 48 years old, three kids to college, married, 27-year-old, drug and alcohol abuse, in the face after a third dispersion, in thousands of dollars in debt, without food, loss of a house, a total of trucks, I have no friends or family, will help. I have chronic back pain from a broken back to years ago, eight multiple surgery and cancer. No more to the bottom. In addition, was diagnosed with severe depression and bipolar disease, I can not find any help symptoms."

Source: http://www.depressiondrug.org/2009/10/28/open-question-i-want-to-kill-myself-and-keep-the-burden-off-my-family-i-have-no-money-no-job-losing-house-3-kids-48-old-2/

Things dont look like they are going to change anytime soon

"First off, i am not doin this because i want attention. I am doin this because i need help, and i dont know how to get any help other than this. I am 14 and i have been depressed since the 3rd grade, i even started havin suicidal thoughts then. Although, now things have gotten a lot worse. I have had to take time off of school because of this. 4 sum reason i cant even focus anymore there. All i can think of anymore is puttin a gun 2 my head n pullin the trigger(and yes i have put a loaded gun 2 my head before, i even pulled the trigger once only to find out that the one time i actually pulled the trigger i forgot to put a bullet in the chamber). I dont even know what started this, but i dont think that i can take it any longer. The only reason that i am still alive right now is because i am worried aboutwhat will happen 2 my friends if i kill myself. Especially my best friend, i am worried that it would fuck him up if i kill myself because we have known eacother for almost all of our lives.I cant go and see a therapist because if my dad finds out that i have been missin school cuz i am depressed he will probably kill me the second he finds out. I am also a little afraid to talk to most of my friends about this because most of them would probably try to get my locked up in a psycho ward. So, i really dont know what to do anymore, i havent been happy with my life in years and things dont look like they are going to change anytime soon. I just feel worthless all of the time, and i am so close to killin myself right now. Im not eating, i cant sleep, and i have been getting headaches a lot. I would really appreciate any help you can give me. Also, srry that this wuz so long.

I dont want to talk about this with my teachers because they are assholes, and if i talk to my school counselor im fucked. The school counselor that i would see has a mom that is my moms best friend. So if the counselor found this out, i know that this would get back to my mom. So then my parents would probably start chasin me around with guns tryin 2 kill me. But thank you for tryin 2 help me i appreciate it."

Source: http://suicideproject.org/2009/10/help-me/

If you've read this, thanks for caring... It's a shame you live so far away

"I don't expect replies, I just need to vent...

Tonight I find myself to incredibly depressed...
I hate my life, I hate the few friends I have, I'm sure there's a reason for all of that but I just don't give a f**k. I hate that I can't have a normal relationship with people, or hold down a relationship with a girlfriend.

I'm absolutely positive that everyone thinks I'm a lazy, useless, deadbeat because of my SA. Quite frankly, I'm absolutely sick of trying to fight this, trying to be normal, and socialize, and have friends.... Trying to move out of my parents house when all they do is tell me why it's not a good idea.

I hate living in society, I hate maintaining relationships, I hate who I've become. I used to want to kill myself when I feel as depressed as I am, but since I had an extremely bad Salvia trip, I know that I don't want to die. SO I'm stuck here, feeling this way.

I hate chancellors, I've never been to a therapist and I really don't want to go. Like I said, I'm sick of trying. I f**king hate feeling this lonely, as if no one understands. At least, nobody here, that I can physically talk to. (this forum is still absolutely great btw)

So what do I do? I can't stay in my stressful part-time job because nobody could make a living off of it. I basically have to go back to school, which freaking terrifies me to the core. I don't want to do group work, presentations, exams, essays, and assignments. I've already done that and I hated it, I got so stressed out I couldn't stand it, I started cutting myself until I dropped out.

Deep down in my soul I just want to run away from it all. I want to run away and not care about any of it, just to be free from from this life and for once have a genuine smile on my face.

I HATE LIFE. I HATE WHO I AM, I WANT OUT... -sigh-

If you've read this, thanks for caring... It's a shame you live so far away.

Peace."

Source: http://www.socialanxietysupport.com/forum/f35/sooooo-depressed-75005/

I just feel like life is just too much for me

"I'm not really sure where to start. This will all probably sound a bit rambly. I've always been a very sad and lonely person I suppose. All my life it's never taken much to make me feel bad. These last few years it feels like what's been required to make me feel bad has been getting smaller and smaller and the length and severity of the depression and anxiety that such things cause in me have been getting worse and worse.

About two years ago I tried to get help, my doctor perscribed me various medications and I went to see several different therapists. The drugs never seemed to lessen the feelings of depression and anxiety and the therapists never seemed to be able to help either.

I get depressed over the fact that my life feels so empty and unfufilling and it seems like there's no hope of me ever having the kind of life I want. And I get anxiety over all the people I have to deal with everyday. At my jobs I've always had customers or co-workers who treated me like crap and left me with horrible feelings of anxiety that would last for days or even weeks.

At 22 I went to back to school, I started out studing history and eventually set my eye on getting my Masters of Library Science and for a while I was filled with a little bit of hope. I felt like maybe this would be my chance to feel like I was doing something with my life and maybe make some new friends for the first time since I was a child. Sometimes it feels like I'm doing something worthwhile, other times I feel like I'm just wasting my time. I'm in my second year and I've failed to make any friends. When it comes to my choice of eventual career I'm often filled with fears that I'll graduate but I'll never be able to get such a job or even handle one.

I don't really have any friends to turn to, I really only have one close friend I really hang out with and he sometimes treats me like shit, especially in front of other people. He did this earlier today and I ended up hitting him, which is the cause of my current spike in depression and anxiety, so I don't know if I really have any close friends. Making new ones is just so difficult, people sometimes act friendly to me but when I try to turn one of my few acquantances into a friend they always seem to decline.

As far as dating goes, I dream of one day being in a relationship with a girl, but I've only been able to summon the courage to ask out three girls in my entire life and they've all turned me down. I just have a hard time approaching girls because of my looks (I'm ugly) my weight (I'm fat) and the fact that i'm poor, still live at home and the fact that small things can sometimes make me break down and cry. I'm a few weeks away from turning 24 and I fear i'm either going to die one day without having had sex or even kissed a girl or I'm going to have to pay for it to happen.

I don't what else to say... I just feel like life is just too much for me. I just can't handle it."

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/9xsfd/i_feel_like_i_just_cant_handle_life/

It's not supposed to be like this

"I can't stand living on this earth anymore I already tried 3 times 1st time tried to run my car off the road into the freeway but tires blew 2nd time was going to hang myself in the garage but talked my self out of it last min and third time was I od on a bunch of sleeping pills 40+ and then was out for 2 days and then had a sizure and was sent to the hospital and they gave me a lot of ativan and now that I have the Ativan I have enough to finally end all of this I don't need this s*** anymore I'm so depressed and don't care who it affects I need help I've had such a bad life I'm only 20 it's not supposed to be like this.

FYI I don't need peoples f****** s*** say o your salfish because I don't give a f*** and no it's not girlfriend issues or I'm fat or she dumped me because those are some dumd f****** reasons to kill yourself and those one need to get over it I know I work in healthcare and people tell me there s*** try being abused at home and your mom can't do any thing and watching your brother and sister being abused and the way they try saying sorry is buying with cars or giving money and just not fesing up to what they did or trying to escape through a window because your dad was trying to Hert you or hearing your mom being beat in the next room or having to sleep in hotals or cars because you can't go home or having your mom telling you that she won't be able to see you for awhile and that you would have to stay with the person who Hert you.

There's more but I don't want to say any more it herts too much to even wright about it.
Now that's a better reason to kill your self so you don't have to remeber any of it no more flash backs, bad memories, no more pain of everything that happend."

Source: http://www.secrettalk.com/secrets/i-want-to-kill-myself-so-bad/14325341/