Every night I go to bed and hope that I won't wake up

"I feel sad all the time.I do not remember the last time that I felt happy.I'm starting to think that the only way I can feel better is to die.If I end my life, I know that I won't be able to enjoy the benefits, but I also won't feel anything anymore because I'll be dead.People tell me that it's all going to be okay, and that with time I'll feel better, and that I should wait for happiness.But I don't think that I CAN wait.People tell me that they want me to talk about what's wrong, but I'm sure that they'll abandon me when I tell them what's wrong, or tell someone with power over me(I'm 17), like a counselor at school or a principal or a teacher.I want to talk to someone, maybe they can help, but I don't want to risk my feelings being discovered.I told a few people about how I feel.But they just told me to wait, and the same stuff over and over again.They told me that if I do anything that they'd blame themselves.Don't they see how happy their lives would be without me? How come I'm the ONLY PERSON who can see this? Their idea of helping is a pat on the head and a reassuring word or two.They don't understand.Every night I go to bed and hope that I won't wake up, and when I do wake, I ask myself why I'm still here? Why can't I just have a brain aneurysm, or terminal cancer? Something that will kill me without having to do it myself? That's why I haven't done anything yet.I'm afraid of the pain that dying might cause to myself.I want to die in the most painless, less-distressing way possible, that has the most effectiveness.And I don't want any help.I just want it all to stop.All the lies that I tell daily to keep my parents and teachers happy, all the pain I feel almost daily, all the aches and pains of life.I just want it over.I'm just too much of a damn coward to do it.

For whomever is reading this, I'm sorry that I'm burdening you with this information.You don't deserve it."

Source: http://www.secrettalk.com/secrets/my-feelings/14322101/