I don't feel like I can hold on for very much longer

"And even though the battle was won, I feel like we lost it
I spent too much energy on it, honestly I'm exhausted
And I'm so caught in it I almost feel I'm the one who caused it

I had a counselors appointment today... I told her I'm taking the Adderall again. She said I should tell my doctor tomorrow when he prescribes me the Prozac to go on top of the Topamax, but I dunno. I don't have it in me to tell him any more than I already did. I fucking hate the place I'm in right now... before talking to Kirk, no adult knew of my problems. Now it feels like every damn one I know, knows about my ED... stupid stupid. It's like my problem doesn't even really matter to me anymore--like it's just another one of those things I deal with daily. And I know its because so many people know about it, but blow it off to the side like its not a bad thing. I've somehow brainwashed myself into thinking that this is something I'm just going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. At first when I think about it, it doesn't bother me too much... but thats only at first.

I can't stop thinking about suicide. I fucking HATE dealing with all of this... why am I so weak and pathetic? I can't even do my fucking homework without wanting to literally kill myself because it makes me feel stupid. Do I have room on this planet if I'm not smart? Very unlikely. You get nowhere in life if you aren't smart. I'm stupid and I always have been...
I feel like I have no hope. I look into the future and it looks depressing and troubled. I'm ending up just like my mom-- addicted to drugs. WHY do I have to WORK to overcome these problems?
These problems are making living so much harder than it has to be..... I don't feel like I can hold on for very much longer. I've already tried the aspirin, and then aspirin + benydryl... so I know those don't work (just make you feel like SHIT).

Adderall+Prozac+ecstacy = serotonin storm
I have all of those (well, I'll have the prozac by tomorrow).
I'm not sure when I'll be going through with this.. hm...

I need to get out of here. I need to die. I can't take these problems any longer."

Source: http://sickened3.blogspot.com/