Everything looks great on the outside

"I’m a very attractive 23 year old girl with a body that any woman would kill to have, I have my own 1 bedroom apartment in a good neighborhood, a nice car, a job making $40,000 a year working at a brand new start up company that has only been in business for little over a year in which I got on board 3 months after they opened, a great boyfriend that makes twice as much as I do working in Silicon Valley, and I want to die.
I grew up in a family where I was the middle daughter of 1 three girls. Never got much attention and never really had high self-esteem.
My father mentally & physically abused everyone in the family including my mother. He was an alcoholic and a drug user. He was always extremely depressed and took it out on us. His family treated him and us like ****. when I was 14 he lost his good job after working 20+ years for a great company, and started drinking & doing drugs full-time around the same time my 19 yr old brother went to jail to do an almost 2 yr bid.. My mom was devastated and stayed away from the house at church more and more. She wanted a divorce, but stayed for the sake of me and my siblings. I started drinking with my dad when I was 14. By the time I was 15 I was an alcoholic. When I was 16 my brother got out of jail and our 4 bedroom house was getting crowded since I had to move back in with my little sister & my drinking was getting out of hand with my dad, so my mom let me go live with my grandma and uncle and his son in the house she grew up in 30 mins away. I loved living with my grandma, mostly because my boyfriend (whom I lost my virginity to 6 months after we were dating, I was expecting to wait until marriage,but plans changed) Not even 5 months after I moved in with my grandma I was raped by my mom’s brother, my favorite uncle.. My mother got mad at me when I told her the next day and my grandma called me a liar. I moved back home 2 days later. Eventually my mom’s entire family found out and everyone called me a liar. A month later I told my dad (which my mother had told me not to) and my father called me a liar. My father called my uncle 2 mins after I told him and asked him did he rape me, my uncle told him that he was reading the paper and would call him back. An hr later my uncle had not called back so my dad called him again asked him if he raped me and my uncle said no, my dad said thanks and hung up, then turned to me and called me a liar. After that I began drinking more and got extremely depressed I talked to no one, but my boyfriend. I didn’t even have conversations with my family members. I told my counsler at school what my home life was like and about the rape and she called CPS. I spent a night in a group home, but was returned to my parents a day later after they told auhorities I lied about everything. I ran away a month later and lived with my boyfriend and his dad. His dad got me a lawyer and a therpist. After 4 months of living with them I was making progress, my grades were good, I got a job, was a month and a half sober and therpy was working. My dad was arrested for murder on my 44th day of soberity. He tried to commit suicide an hour before he was arrested. When I visited him in the hospital 5 days later (in which he was chained to the bed) he told me how he cut his wrist so bad he almost cut his hand off and right before that tried to stab himself in the head. I asked him why he tried to commit suicide and he informed me, because I ran away, and my mother & sister moved in with her sister 2 months after I left. He was sentenced to 11 years earlier this year. In the 5+ years it took to try him. My drinking got extremely worse and as a result I was kidnapped gang raped and raped by 2 other men in seperate events. After the gang rape, I started sleeping with more men and women then I care to admit. I tried to commit suicide 4 times and was hospitalized 3 times. I’m still an alcohlic, but a functioning one. No one would ever know unless I told them… How I managed to get where I am today is beyond me… But even though everything looks great on the outside, I thought about jumping in front of a train while I was a the station last week and I thought about suicide today…"

Source: http://siliconvalley10.cityspur.com/2009/09/25/i-think-about-suicide-all-the-time-if-you-lived-my-life-would-you-too/