What in the hell should I do

"While alone at my father's house and in a state of benzo-mediated disinhibition, sleep deprivation, and suicidal depression, on a whim I grabbed some paperclips and picked the lock on his gun safe and took one of his hand guns home with me, intending to kill myself at some point in the near future.

I am addicted to benzos and the prospect of withdrawing from them scares the hell out of me; and so I believe that I will be in need of that gun and its mortal faculty soon. However, before the times comes when I should be in grave and earnest need of availing myself of the function of that device, my dad may discover it missing and naturally conclude that I was the one who took it. What may happen from that point onward is the point which my anxious rumination concerns and impetus for seeking help here on Reddit.

If, out of anger, he were to call the police, I might well end up in prison. It's doubtful that they would allow me to take benzos, controlled substances with recreational value, and so I could end up in cold-turkey withdrawal, which would result in panic attacks and possibly convulsions, which could lead to death. Alternatively, I could end up in a psychiatric ward, a prospect which is nearly as frightening: I wouldn't have access to all the substances I would need to make the withdrawal process as painless and safe as possible. (Benzo withdrawal can cause considerable brain damage, which can be mitigated if one takes the proper precautions and makes use of the right substances.)

It seems that my best bet may be fessing up before he finds out and apologizing, explaining that I was in a very horrible state of mind at the time. The problem with that is that in all probability it will be necessary for me to end my life soon and I'd be without any acceptably painless and peaceful means to do it. At the moment, though, I not in withdrawals and, therefore, not feeling so dysphoric that I had the courage to put a gun in my mouth and pull the trigger.

Another problem is that my father some time ago had a good deal of money stolen from another safe of his. I was not responsible for this and do not know who was, but I fear he will commit a tempting, although nevertheless fallacious, logical fallacy and assume that I was responsible for that, as well.

What in the hell should I do here?"

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/9md4c/help_me_reddit_i_am_truly_screwed/