This fucking suicidal game. This fucking game.

"So I'll just write about my recent life because frankly I am tired of faking that it is enjoyable. I work 70-80 hours a week. The end.

I eat sleep and breath my work. I do not value the change and growth of the past two months. It is a waste. It is necessary. I'm sick. I've pondered lately, how happy I would be to contract a disease. Death would be something that is so certain. Meaning, I know I would die, and I believe it would make me happy. I want to fight for something. Leave me alone.

Even though these are just notes, I lack the ambition to really care.

I don't care. Never have and if I do not than I never will. No college course. Nothing. Its just language. I'm sick of acting.

I'M SICK OF IT!!

ACTACTACTACTACTACTACTACT
ACT ON THIS

All temporary nothings. ALL!

OOH lets disect that. Yah.

Let compose. Lets us worship together YAh. Lets do that.

Lets puke.

Lets become an expert on anything. yah

Tell me. What makes your education so profound you institutions. Nothing.

It means shit. The same old get up and go. Actions. Lets action.

And I drink because I drink.

Same old fucking mind games. a bunch of bullshit. Not even worth shit.

I am destined to be alone, so is my penis.

Fucking,

lets do it.

Fuck fuck fuck - take your fucking fucking and shove it and take your ignorance and shove it. I'm reduced. I'm just spitting. I'm just stupid. I'm contrived. So what? So what?

I like writing as much as I like nothing. Nice. So what fuck you Sams club people fuck you. I don't give a shit about you. None of YOU. Do you know that?

Fuck you

Fuck your businesses. Fuck your mind. Fuck your kids and families. I don't give a shit!

I don't want to care about your families.

Fuck you.

What is the grade of this paper teacher? I'm just being a professor. I profess to speak the way I want to speak and not attend to your feelings about my freedom and your feelings about my lack of education and your feelings about my lack for education and your denial of my education, because this is my education. My life.

Fuck your freedom fuck you and your definitions.

This is my life and I am sticking to it. So fuck yourself. You fucking punk ass fucking teacher. You should have let me live my life. That was all I wanted. Fuck your emotions. I don't want your emotions and your money. I don't want your shit. I don't want anything from you.I want to rule the world and me. Fuck this journal. Fuck this note. Fuck it all. It will be over. As sure as death. So fuck yourself. I'm not a bitch. And I'm not ashamed. So fuck yourself. I'm sick of everything about you. And I'm not ashamed to say it. And don't call me. And this is another reason to shit. I'm sick of your intellect. I'm sick of your compassion. I'm sick of your melodrama. And I'm not. So this is how it is not. Done. Not done. And I'm moving on.
To other things. So go. And have your way. So fuck you. You piece of shit. Welcome to hell. You piece of shit.

And this makes me sick. For now. Whatever. Another day on the menu. Is gone to dust. Another day on the menu is gone to dust.

I'm sick of listening. I'm so sick of it. This fucking game makes me sick. It is worthless fuck off. fuck your games. What else

what is there. what fucking bullshit is now. This fucking suicidal game. This fucking game.

All I said was something true and that is not enough. So fuck off. I'm sick. I'm such pitiful fuck. So fucking pitiful. And nothing is correct. Don't even fucking read this. Please. Don't even read. Just imagine. How nice it would not be to think. Like the voices in my head. And this is it. So no conclusion. Fuck bullshit fuck.And. Fuck this life. This life that is no wonder. So fuck your end. Don't even fucking talk to me you bitch.And fuck your fight. Fuck off.

This is it. So fuck off. This is all I"M GIVING! GO FUCK YOURSELF! I'll bloody your fucking nose! I'll stomp on your fucking head. I'll fucking kick you until your teeth fall out. I'll fucking kill you. And I'll kill you the way I want to kill you. You don't know what I am capable of. I can kill you! You fucking bitch. Run. On to other news. And piss on yourself.

I'll fucking smash your head in. I'll go as far and low and shady as I have to. You don't know me.

You should have listened. So fucking what.

I worry. Because I am sad. I'm so fucking sick. There is no end. I just want to imagine killing something. I want to do that because I haven't killed a person in three months and fuck off. I don't want to hear you. forever. I don't want your politics. I don't want your cheating and your corrections.

And I don't want your fucking CORRECTIONS! HEAR ME and your editing. And all your civilization and astronomy and physics and ALL ELSE! FUCK YOURSELF AND GET OFF!

FUCK OFF

Period. And your words mean shit. Good for you. Good for you. Good for your fucking mind. Eatme. I don't want your sympathy. And I don't want you. Kill me. Leave me alone. Another disgusting night. I don't want your FUCKING SYMPATHY! FuCK OFF. dkfdkd. Stick your finger up your ass. I don't want you fucking sickness. This is bullshit! WHAT AM I DOING???? MY GOD! I USED TO PRAY TO YOU! NONE OF THIS! I WANT THIS WRITING TO STOP!

HOW DO I STOP LOVE? I DON"T WANT TO BE HURT! IF YOU WANT TO HURT ME, FUCK YOU. IF YOU WANT TO HURT FUCK YOU!

IF YOU WANT ME FUCK YOU! WHAT MATTERS! QUESTION MARK! FUCK ALL THIS CONFUSION!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THERE IS NOTHING SPECIAL ABOUT ME! I JUST LOVE YOU! I HAVE TO LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I DO LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU and this is all I have.

THIS IS ALL I WILL!

I DON"T WANT TO STOP LOVE. I WILL.

I DON'T LOVE YOU.

I HATE YOU!

I DESPISE YOU I WANT YOU OUT OF MY WAY!

I don't want you to figure me out I dont want you to love me. I don't love you.

I don't love anybody. Love is dead.

Love is bullshit. Love is bullshit.

I hate you. JUST STOP.

Just believing that I love you.

It is not true.

It is not true that we love. We do not love. Love is a lie.

I want to lie. I want to lie. Fuck off.

Be scared. This is nothing. But I am not scared

I am sick, and I don't believe the lies. And this is all confusion. My thing. Confusion.

So there. Piss off with fucking rules. Piss off with rules. Piss off with your words and meaning. Piss off with your syntax and rituals. Just piss off with your friendship. Keep your sympathy! And go on.

I don't want you.

I CANNOT LIVE SIMPLY!

JESUS christ.

I don't want your fucking friendships.

I don't want your fucking.
I don't want you.Your bullshit.

I want your bullshit.

SO JUST GIVE UP! NO!
FUCK YOU!

I DONT DREAM! I DO NOT WANT TO DREAM! I want to sleep forever without a dream. Fuck you and your control. Fuck you. I don't want your sex and your naked body and your vagina and your anything. LEAVE ME ALONE! NO! I AM NOT ABLE TO KILL MYSELF! I WILL NOT! AH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I WILL NOT STOP! There is too much to lose!

Get IT!

OR whatever. I will not. This is my life. This is my journal and this is my entry and this is my work and this is not yours. And I am not ashamed. I don't care what you think. Why is anyone really more special than anybody else why must you intelligent people be so oppressive?

Rule. Why must I be so intelligent? FUCK YOU! And go fuck yourself some more. Your fucking guts and your fucking instructions. Fuck. And your fucking games and manipulation! And your definition of endurance!"

Source: http://laconicuno.livejournal.com/