I don't want to kill myself, I just don't want to face the world right now

"i'm sad. and this is a continuation from the last blog. but i'm sad. and that takes a lot for me to admit.

i was so depressed the night that the thing happened that in the morning before i left work i took sleeping pills. then as soon as i got home i took some more. i didn't want to deal with life, and i didn't think that i would be able to get through the day. so i went to bed, silently wishing that it would all go away and i wouldn't have to wake to another night and day, and slept for an amazing 13 and a half hours or so. it was wonderful. i also slept all day a few days prior to that simply because i didn't want to be alive. i don't think those are suicidal thoughts; it's just reality. i don't want to kill myself, i just don't want to face the world right now. i want to be unconscious until i can come to terms with life and see that things will eventually be okay because there's always another day. until the day you die.

i've always wanted to know what people feel and think before they die. i've written about this before, but i'm intrigued and interested to know. do they know they're going to die? do they think that they're really not and that there will be a second chance? do they have any idea that they won't be able to do anything else in life that they've wanted to do, and are there any regrets because of it?

i guess you could say i'm more lonely than anything. i'm unsure, and i'm confused, i'm anxious, i'm frustrated. i'm sabotaging myself, i'm unhappy with other people, i'm desperate at times for different things. i am a mess. full of emotions, full of thoughts, living a life i'm not satisfied with. i'm depressed."

Source: http://sky-serendipity.livejournal.com/