"i find i use listening to sad music as a way of being accessing my thoughts and emotions. i try block them out and have found the key to doing that is to listen to happy music only. but i have recently found about 4 really nice songs but they are sad and about people dying and commit suicide. it makes me sad but i find its only in the times that i get so extremely low that im condidering suicide i am able to acually acess what it is i feel. lik when i wrote the list of reasones to go, it wasnt a list of just why to go but a list of problems and its the list that when professionals ask my to say in therapy i have never ever been able to say to anyone.
so at one point of view its great i can finally access my true feelings and write them out in some way to give to the professionals but at same time i also just about ready to kill myself. there isnt really any half way ground either with the music.
i just dont know, i know you have to get worse to get better but i feel its dangerous bussiness. my crisis team appear to have left me now for some reasone just stoped calling and stuff and i only get my therapy once every two weeks , i just feel so alone in doing this.
i guess i dont really know the point in this post becasue im waffling but i just feel alone in trying to figure whats wrong with me.
sorry."
Source: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression/forum/8584059-processing-thoughtssad-music
Monday, December 7, 2009
Sunday, December 6, 2009
I'm just so tired and fed up now... its all becoming too hard
"I'm still alive, just haven't been posting.
Things in my previous post didn't go as badly as I thought they would. The CPA meeting went alright although I was unbelievably anxious. Lots of reports about my past and how I come to be in the hospital were read out which was uncomfortable for me but I managed to cope.
I tested positive for Dissociative Identity Disorder which wasn't a big surprise although the therapist would like to continue with observations.
My main concern was about when we would start the trauma work. It was decided that I'm not strong enough to deal with the trauma at the moment, and given the fact that it will take a long time they think its best to just help me deal with every day life. I'm disappointed with the decision. I don't wait until I'm strong enough because what if I ever won't be? And what if it is years before I'm strong enough? I want to start it all now so I can get on with my life. *Sigh*
Everyone Else's concern was what will happen when I turn 18 in January. My local adolescent mental health team are looking into what the adult services may be able to offer and of course there is the concern of if I will be able to cope at home or will I have to try and get funding to be moved to an adult ward. None of those queries have been answered so I've been left feeling like after Christmas there is nothing - I can't see a future because I don't know what the possibilities are.
But in general it was a good meeting and everyone was pleased to see that I was working so hard.
I've felt really low the last few weeks and if I am honest, I've been suicidal. I haven't made any plans, but I've had thoughts.
I've not been sleeping well, I got too used to the sleeping tablets and they stopped working. On one night I had less than three hours sleep in total. Anyone knows, that if you don't have depression and you suffer from insomnia that it can make you very run down and low enough as it is... so the depression and all the other things I'm trying hard to cope with has just made it almost unbearable.
I've just been so tired that I became tired of fighting to get better. I wanted (and suppose still want) to just give up. I'm too tired to care. I don't have the energy to cope anymore. I can't see a future and I can't be bothered with it.
Although I've been feeling so shit I have been making the effort to use distraction techniques. When I was first admitted mum brought me a word search puzzle book and I have been doing them a lot this week - so much that I brought two more today in town. I've also been able to ask for medication when things become too over-whelming but before I'm allowed it I have to tell staff how I'm feeling (not necessarily why but just so they are aware) so its all helpful...
I've been switching a lot this week. Last week I was switching a lot in the evenings but this week its been during the day as well. I think its taken a while for everybody to get used to being in such a different environment, especially one that leaves them quite exposed if they came out and its away from Gareth who has become their (and my) safety net. I think perhaps having a confirmed diagnoses of DID has made them feel a bit safer in the knowledge we can safely say that we're not making it up.
I don't always have good communication with the others, or I forget to ask them something so on the back of my door I've put up a piece of paper and left notes for the alters. They've written back which is interesting to see their different handwriting. Jade apparently made my bed and Lilly has at some point been out but both of which I don't know when. I brought a notebook today so that the notes can continue but in a little bit more private - if I have visitors I don't want them reading everything.
Its nearly Christmas which means I will be seeing my Dad's side of the family a lot again. They will ask what have I been up to, and how college is going and every thing like that. I want to tell them so much that actually I've been in a mental hospital for the last 2 months, I try to kill myself regularly and I have multiple personality disorder because I've been abused so much. I want it out of attention from them. I want it because I want to see if they actually care about me. And last of all, I want it because I'm so fucking sick of saying "oh you know, not up to much really, just the usual". I want to tell people the fucking TRUTH about ME! For once I want them to care about ME!!! ME!! Why does it always have to be about them! Why can't they worry about me for once in their fucking lives! *takes a deep breath*
Mum doesn't want anyone to know, because she thinks it will cause more shit for me as certain family members may be nasty about it and use it against me. It kinda feels like shes ashamed of me and my problems sometimes... *sigh* I'm just sick of having to hide who I really am when I'm at home or around family... when at hospital I have to learn all over again to let people see me.... its just hard and I'm tired of pretending... and its actually making me feel lonely because I feel like I have no one to talk to or relate to.
I'm just so tired and fed up now... its all becoming too hard."
Source: http://beautifuldisaster-sparkle.blogspot.com/
Things in my previous post didn't go as badly as I thought they would. The CPA meeting went alright although I was unbelievably anxious. Lots of reports about my past and how I come to be in the hospital were read out which was uncomfortable for me but I managed to cope.
I tested positive for Dissociative Identity Disorder which wasn't a big surprise although the therapist would like to continue with observations.
My main concern was about when we would start the trauma work. It was decided that I'm not strong enough to deal with the trauma at the moment, and given the fact that it will take a long time they think its best to just help me deal with every day life. I'm disappointed with the decision. I don't wait until I'm strong enough because what if I ever won't be? And what if it is years before I'm strong enough? I want to start it all now so I can get on with my life. *Sigh*
Everyone Else's concern was what will happen when I turn 18 in January. My local adolescent mental health team are looking into what the adult services may be able to offer and of course there is the concern of if I will be able to cope at home or will I have to try and get funding to be moved to an adult ward. None of those queries have been answered so I've been left feeling like after Christmas there is nothing - I can't see a future because I don't know what the possibilities are.
But in general it was a good meeting and everyone was pleased to see that I was working so hard.
I've felt really low the last few weeks and if I am honest, I've been suicidal. I haven't made any plans, but I've had thoughts.
I've not been sleeping well, I got too used to the sleeping tablets and they stopped working. On one night I had less than three hours sleep in total. Anyone knows, that if you don't have depression and you suffer from insomnia that it can make you very run down and low enough as it is... so the depression and all the other things I'm trying hard to cope with has just made it almost unbearable.
I've just been so tired that I became tired of fighting to get better. I wanted (and suppose still want) to just give up. I'm too tired to care. I don't have the energy to cope anymore. I can't see a future and I can't be bothered with it.
Although I've been feeling so shit I have been making the effort to use distraction techniques. When I was first admitted mum brought me a word search puzzle book and I have been doing them a lot this week - so much that I brought two more today in town. I've also been able to ask for medication when things become too over-whelming but before I'm allowed it I have to tell staff how I'm feeling (not necessarily why but just so they are aware) so its all helpful...
I've been switching a lot this week. Last week I was switching a lot in the evenings but this week its been during the day as well. I think its taken a while for everybody to get used to being in such a different environment, especially one that leaves them quite exposed if they came out and its away from Gareth who has become their (and my) safety net. I think perhaps having a confirmed diagnoses of DID has made them feel a bit safer in the knowledge we can safely say that we're not making it up.
I don't always have good communication with the others, or I forget to ask them something so on the back of my door I've put up a piece of paper and left notes for the alters. They've written back which is interesting to see their different handwriting. Jade apparently made my bed and Lilly has at some point been out but both of which I don't know when. I brought a notebook today so that the notes can continue but in a little bit more private - if I have visitors I don't want them reading everything.
Its nearly Christmas which means I will be seeing my Dad's side of the family a lot again. They will ask what have I been up to, and how college is going and every thing like that. I want to tell them so much that actually I've been in a mental hospital for the last 2 months, I try to kill myself regularly and I have multiple personality disorder because I've been abused so much. I want it out of attention from them. I want it because I want to see if they actually care about me. And last of all, I want it because I'm so fucking sick of saying "oh you know, not up to much really, just the usual". I want to tell people the fucking TRUTH about ME! For once I want them to care about ME!!! ME!! Why does it always have to be about them! Why can't they worry about me for once in their fucking lives! *takes a deep breath*
Mum doesn't want anyone to know, because she thinks it will cause more shit for me as certain family members may be nasty about it and use it against me. It kinda feels like shes ashamed of me and my problems sometimes... *sigh* I'm just sick of having to hide who I really am when I'm at home or around family... when at hospital I have to learn all over again to let people see me.... its just hard and I'm tired of pretending... and its actually making me feel lonely because I feel like I have no one to talk to or relate to.
I'm just so tired and fed up now... its all becoming too hard."
Source: http://beautifuldisaster-sparkle.blogspot.com/
Saturday, December 5, 2009
Me = Pain
"How should I kill myself.?... I know my family lost a lot of love for me. I am starting to accept that. All I know of now is I want to put the loved ones around me out of pain. Me= Pain. Can someone just be honest with me, and tell me the least painful way to put myself out of pain, I would like to die peaceful in my my bed. My Mother got tooth surgery and was given painkillers, Ketorolac is the pills they are called. Would this work?"
Source: http://mentalhealthcares.blogspot.com/2009/12/how-should-i-kill-myself.html
Source: http://mentalhealthcares.blogspot.com/2009/12/how-should-i-kill-myself.html
Friday, December 4, 2009
It would be nice to talk to someone who understands me
"Ummm..... Okay how do I start this.... Well im depressed and ive been dealing with alot in my life right now. I've attempted suicide and I cut myself. I have not told any of my family and only told like one friend. I read some of this stuff posted on here about depression and self harm. but im not getting any of it. They all say the same thing and that is to tell someone and/or to stop and how it is not good for you and how there are alternatives. Well.. I hate to sound mean and im not trying to but really dont speak inless you know how we feel. Because It's not right I know how I feel and I feel there are no alternatives.
I dont feel like any of these people had mentioned about why people cut themselves and why they self harm. Well if you want to know the truth about why we do it you can ask me. But i need help which is why I kind of came here. So if you know how I feel and really actually care then could you like message me... It would be nice to talk to someone who understands me. I need to vent. I write poetry too which is how i get some of my anger or depressinon out. But if you are interested in helping someone. Im here please I would love to talk and maybe I can help you with something too. But please???"
Source: http://www.teenhut.net/depression-self-harm-suicide/85894-maybe-i-need-life-help.html
I dont feel like any of these people had mentioned about why people cut themselves and why they self harm. Well if you want to know the truth about why we do it you can ask me. But i need help which is why I kind of came here. So if you know how I feel and really actually care then could you like message me... It would be nice to talk to someone who understands me. I need to vent. I write poetry too which is how i get some of my anger or depressinon out. But if you are interested in helping someone. Im here please I would love to talk and maybe I can help you with something too. But please???"
Source: http://www.teenhut.net/depression-self-harm-suicide/85894-maybe-i-need-life-help.html
Thursday, December 3, 2009
I'd like to divorce myself
"I don't know whether it's the damn fuck-fucking holidays, the fact that my court date for the divorce is hanging over my head (with no immediate end in sight), the fact that I can't lose weight to save my life, despite adding some exercise in, or what the fucking-fuck, but SB's ass is in a funk. Sorry folks, but that's what you get for being a regular reader of a blog written by a moody manic-depressive asshole.
I actually called yesterday to catch up with a good friend, who I have been out of touch with for months now, and at some point in the conversation, this friend said, "You sound really angry." This was after I explained to her not to take my out-of-touchness personally and that I haven't been doing much of anything--just getting through the damn work day and going home to the cats.
I had another old friend try to make plans to get together with me before the holidays the other day, and I told her there was no way and scheduled dinner in January.
I was really happy when I first moved out of my marital home, but now I am just energy-less and depressed. I guess divorce (even when you know it's totally necessary) is still like grieving a death. I am in the anger phase now, motherfuckers. I am pissed off that this court date is hanging over us--I just want to have it done with. Frankly, I felt divorced the day I signed the lease on the new digs. It was over when I moved my shit out. All this court bullshit is just dredging everything back up again. I am extremely pissed off that the government is involved in my personal relationship. Those fuckers even get to tax my paltry settlement check. So, yeah, I guess I am angry.
The Moms pissed me off by hanging up on me, and I haven't spoken to her in about three weeks now. I am mad that when I could really use the support, she had the fucking sheer brattiness to hang up on me. If a motherfucker hangs up on SB, SB does NOT call back. You teach a bitch how to treat you. The Moms always says that, and it is correct, and now she is learning it too.
This is it boys and girls. This is about as personal as SB cares to get. I just wanted all of you fuckers to know that I am not feeling very funny currently, and the posts may be somewhat sporadic.
For those of you that have my phone number or e-mail, this is NOT a plea for support. I really just want to be left alone to work through this. It will pass. Everything does.
Some random thoughts this morning. (Lucky you!)
1) Was Catherine Zeta-Jones sorry she married Michael Douglas, because basically, her ass sacrificed a semi-promising career to marry that Pepaw? Do they live in unadulterated bliss? Was it worth it? (I told you motherfuckers I think REALLY deep thoughts in the morning. I just can't turn the shit off.)
2) I don't believe in the kind of soul-mate passionate love assholes depict in the movies. I really don't.
3) I have lost my goddamn JOY in life, and I wish whoever took that shit would fucking give it back.
4) If I have to endure one more gray rainy pre-winter day, I am going to kill myself. (I actually said this to the dog this morning. In return, she farted. And it dawned on me that THAT fucking response was about as meaningful as anything man has come up with in thousands of years. The Buddha would have farted in response, too. That's about how meaningful this life is. There is no meaning besides what we subscribe to things.)
5) My khaki work pants have gotten so fucking tight, that after I zippered and buttoned them, I had to yank them the fuck up HARD (which momentarily hurt my moneymaker), or I would have come to work with plumber's crack. I threw a long sweater on to cover that shit up. Said sweater accentuates my fat overfed American ass.
[I would continue here with the chain of thought, but you get the picture. Some days, my own cynicism makes me want to throw up. I'd like to divorce myself.]"
Source: http://sarcastbastard.blogspot.com/
I actually called yesterday to catch up with a good friend, who I have been out of touch with for months now, and at some point in the conversation, this friend said, "You sound really angry." This was after I explained to her not to take my out-of-touchness personally and that I haven't been doing much of anything--just getting through the damn work day and going home to the cats.
I had another old friend try to make plans to get together with me before the holidays the other day, and I told her there was no way and scheduled dinner in January.
I was really happy when I first moved out of my marital home, but now I am just energy-less and depressed. I guess divorce (even when you know it's totally necessary) is still like grieving a death. I am in the anger phase now, motherfuckers. I am pissed off that this court date is hanging over us--I just want to have it done with. Frankly, I felt divorced the day I signed the lease on the new digs. It was over when I moved my shit out. All this court bullshit is just dredging everything back up again. I am extremely pissed off that the government is involved in my personal relationship. Those fuckers even get to tax my paltry settlement check. So, yeah, I guess I am angry.
The Moms pissed me off by hanging up on me, and I haven't spoken to her in about three weeks now. I am mad that when I could really use the support, she had the fucking sheer brattiness to hang up on me. If a motherfucker hangs up on SB, SB does NOT call back. You teach a bitch how to treat you. The Moms always says that, and it is correct, and now she is learning it too.
This is it boys and girls. This is about as personal as SB cares to get. I just wanted all of you fuckers to know that I am not feeling very funny currently, and the posts may be somewhat sporadic.
For those of you that have my phone number or e-mail, this is NOT a plea for support. I really just want to be left alone to work through this. It will pass. Everything does.
Some random thoughts this morning. (Lucky you!)
1) Was Catherine Zeta-Jones sorry she married Michael Douglas, because basically, her ass sacrificed a semi-promising career to marry that Pepaw? Do they live in unadulterated bliss? Was it worth it? (I told you motherfuckers I think REALLY deep thoughts in the morning. I just can't turn the shit off.)
2) I don't believe in the kind of soul-mate passionate love assholes depict in the movies. I really don't.
3) I have lost my goddamn JOY in life, and I wish whoever took that shit would fucking give it back.
4) If I have to endure one more gray rainy pre-winter day, I am going to kill myself. (I actually said this to the dog this morning. In return, she farted. And it dawned on me that THAT fucking response was about as meaningful as anything man has come up with in thousands of years. The Buddha would have farted in response, too. That's about how meaningful this life is. There is no meaning besides what we subscribe to things.)
5) My khaki work pants have gotten so fucking tight, that after I zippered and buttoned them, I had to yank them the fuck up HARD (which momentarily hurt my moneymaker), or I would have come to work with plumber's crack. I threw a long sweater on to cover that shit up. Said sweater accentuates my fat overfed American ass.
[I would continue here with the chain of thought, but you get the picture. Some days, my own cynicism makes me want to throw up. I'd like to divorce myself.]"
Source: http://sarcastbastard.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, December 2, 2009
It wasn’t supposed to be like this. I’m finished. I’m done. I think I’ll just exit stage left.
"It wasn’t supposed to be like this.
I’m finished. I’m done. I think I’ll just exit stage left. I can’t deal with this bullshit of life anymore. I’m originally from the East Coast – Maryland, but I’m now living on the West Coast – California. I came out here because I was tired of my parents after high school, so I just left and tried to carve my own path – unsuccessfully. Throughout my life and up to high school since I graduated last year I have been treated like crap. I got no respect whatsoever in school. Every girl I knew rejected me even to go to the Senior Prom. I ended up not going.
All my friends went to college, while I didn’t. They lived out their dreams. I just ended up coming out here, miles away from an unsatisfactory existence in my old hometown. I thought I’d be happier here, but I’m not.
I’ll never forget when I told my parents I was driving to California to start a new life. My dad was reading the newspaper, and he was like “ok.” And continued. My mom was like “have fun.” When I left, they said goodbye. No hugs, no kisses. I’ve been in California since July of last year. The road trip was fun. I got no phone calls, no letters, no nothing from my parents. I haven’t talked to them since I left I guess it was true, they don’t like me. Apparently, I heard my grandpa say “Good riddance” and my parents basically said the same thing plus they’re glad I’m gone and out of their way.
Now, I work for a computer company out here in Silicon Valley, it’s alright. I can afford my own apartment and such. I still get treated like crap, even at work. I get disrespected so much by my coworkers.
This really beautiful chick I had my eye on for a while rejected me too and told me she was single, but ended up accepting another guy who asked her out after me.
Live just continues to suck. It seems like there’s nothing good that can come out of life anymore. I look at all these people who have great lives and I just envy them. I never got to have that. I never will. I can’t see how some people can be so happy by life. It sucks. It’s meaningless.
So, I proposed a solution. Since I’m 19, I went and got a gun. It’s a really powerful gun. I plan to just obliterate myself with it. Then this crappy life will be over and it will be great. Nonexistence is alot better than trying to survive this hell, day to day. There’s no point in living. My parents SURE don’t give a damn about me. I have no friends. I have no concrete reason to continue living. I have no hope.
I’ll just merge a bullet with my brain and then I’ll die here, 2000 miles away from home.
I don’t believe in God anymore either, so don’t give me that crap of “I’m going to hell”. I stopped believing in God last year.
I just felt like I needed to get this off of my chest before the end."
Source: http://siliconvalley10.cityspur.com/2009/12/01/i-cant-deal-with-this-anymore-2/
I’m finished. I’m done. I think I’ll just exit stage left. I can’t deal with this bullshit of life anymore. I’m originally from the East Coast – Maryland, but I’m now living on the West Coast – California. I came out here because I was tired of my parents after high school, so I just left and tried to carve my own path – unsuccessfully. Throughout my life and up to high school since I graduated last year I have been treated like crap. I got no respect whatsoever in school. Every girl I knew rejected me even to go to the Senior Prom. I ended up not going.
All my friends went to college, while I didn’t. They lived out their dreams. I just ended up coming out here, miles away from an unsatisfactory existence in my old hometown. I thought I’d be happier here, but I’m not.
I’ll never forget when I told my parents I was driving to California to start a new life. My dad was reading the newspaper, and he was like “ok.” And continued. My mom was like “have fun.” When I left, they said goodbye. No hugs, no kisses. I’ve been in California since July of last year. The road trip was fun. I got no phone calls, no letters, no nothing from my parents. I haven’t talked to them since I left I guess it was true, they don’t like me. Apparently, I heard my grandpa say “Good riddance” and my parents basically said the same thing plus they’re glad I’m gone and out of their way.
Now, I work for a computer company out here in Silicon Valley, it’s alright. I can afford my own apartment and such. I still get treated like crap, even at work. I get disrespected so much by my coworkers.
This really beautiful chick I had my eye on for a while rejected me too and told me she was single, but ended up accepting another guy who asked her out after me.
Live just continues to suck. It seems like there’s nothing good that can come out of life anymore. I look at all these people who have great lives and I just envy them. I never got to have that. I never will. I can’t see how some people can be so happy by life. It sucks. It’s meaningless.
So, I proposed a solution. Since I’m 19, I went and got a gun. It’s a really powerful gun. I plan to just obliterate myself with it. Then this crappy life will be over and it will be great. Nonexistence is alot better than trying to survive this hell, day to day. There’s no point in living. My parents SURE don’t give a damn about me. I have no friends. I have no concrete reason to continue living. I have no hope.
I’ll just merge a bullet with my brain and then I’ll die here, 2000 miles away from home.
I don’t believe in God anymore either, so don’t give me that crap of “I’m going to hell”. I stopped believing in God last year.
I just felt like I needed to get this off of my chest before the end."
Source: http://siliconvalley10.cityspur.com/2009/12/01/i-cant-deal-with-this-anymore-2/
Tuesday, December 1, 2009
I haven't been getting that many answers and it's just eating away at me
"Please answer this. I haven't been getting that many answers and it's just eating away at me. I know it's long. Tomorrow's my therapist appointment and I've been thinking a lot this past week if I should just stop seeing my therapist and psychiatrist all together. I've been seeing them since the summer and there hasn't been any change... But maybe the reason there hasn't been any change is b/c I don't need to change b/c there's nothing wrong with me. The only reason I started seeing them is b/c I have been meaning to kill myself and tried to a few times before. So I just think it'd be easier to not want to kill yourself than to continuously try to and be scared to when you try. So I just think I'm going b/c of that and not b/c I have an actual psychological problem... Well if any of you have a psychological disorder (such as depression, bipolar, BPD...) can you let me know EXACTLY how you feel and if you think I may be feeling the same things as you and am justified in saying that I have this disorder. I just sometimes feel that my psychiatrist is humoring me when she tells me I have a problem... But anyway... Some of the things that may qualify as 'not normal' about me are:
- Constant suicidal thoughts
- Usual 'low' mood
- I always feel worthless and hate myself and am disgusted by myself (probably my biggest problem)
- I can get very excited very easily over small stupid things (such as eating a certain meal) and can get very depressed very easily over small stupid things (such as a friend 'jokingly' making fun of my thumbs) - this usually happens once or twice every two weeks or so
- I NEVER let anyone know how I'm feeling especially if they're feelings of sadness
- I'm extrememly protective over all my stuff
Ok that's how I am now. One of the main reasons I doubt I'm depressed is b/c 5 years back when I was 13, my problems were A LOT worse, so they just seem really insignificant and dialed down now. I used to have depressive episodes every night with a lot of crying, had 3 panic attacks that year, had manic episodes most mornings, was very paranoid, delusional (and so, did not trust anyone for 'help'), and I thought I could hear and see things. So, I think part of the reason I'm acting this way now is maybe b/c I miss how it was back in grade 8, which I found to be my best and worst year. This isn't something sudden that's come back this year, though. It's just died down after grade 9.
So, do you guys think there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm doing this all for attention? That's something that I consider a lot and I think my therapist and psychiatrist think so to. Plus, the more I'm starting to see them the more I realize that they're starting to make me feel a lot worse about myself. Have any of you experienced this with any of your psychiatrists or therapists? If you have, did changing the psych or therapist help or was it solely your problem?"
Source: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091130214825AAgrkws
- Constant suicidal thoughts
- Usual 'low' mood
- I always feel worthless and hate myself and am disgusted by myself (probably my biggest problem)
- I can get very excited very easily over small stupid things (such as eating a certain meal) and can get very depressed very easily over small stupid things (such as a friend 'jokingly' making fun of my thumbs) - this usually happens once or twice every two weeks or so
- I NEVER let anyone know how I'm feeling especially if they're feelings of sadness
- I'm extrememly protective over all my stuff
Ok that's how I am now. One of the main reasons I doubt I'm depressed is b/c 5 years back when I was 13, my problems were A LOT worse, so they just seem really insignificant and dialed down now. I used to have depressive episodes every night with a lot of crying, had 3 panic attacks that year, had manic episodes most mornings, was very paranoid, delusional (and so, did not trust anyone for 'help'), and I thought I could hear and see things. So, I think part of the reason I'm acting this way now is maybe b/c I miss how it was back in grade 8, which I found to be my best and worst year. This isn't something sudden that's come back this year, though. It's just died down after grade 9.
So, do you guys think there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm doing this all for attention? That's something that I consider a lot and I think my therapist and psychiatrist think so to. Plus, the more I'm starting to see them the more I realize that they're starting to make me feel a lot worse about myself. Have any of you experienced this with any of your psychiatrists or therapists? If you have, did changing the psych or therapist help or was it solely your problem?"
Source: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091130214825AAgrkws
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)