I haven't been getting that many answers and it's just eating away at me

"Please answer this. I haven't been getting that many answers and it's just eating away at me. I know it's long. Tomorrow's my therapist appointment and I've been thinking a lot this past week if I should just stop seeing my therapist and psychiatrist all together. I've been seeing them since the summer and there hasn't been any change... But maybe the reason there hasn't been any change is b/c I don't need to change b/c there's nothing wrong with me. The only reason I started seeing them is b/c I have been meaning to kill myself and tried to a few times before. So I just think it'd be easier to not want to kill yourself than to continuously try to and be scared to when you try. So I just think I'm going b/c of that and not b/c I have an actual psychological problem... Well if any of you have a psychological disorder (such as depression, bipolar, BPD...) can you let me know EXACTLY how you feel and if you think I may be feeling the same things as you and am justified in saying that I have this disorder. I just sometimes feel that my psychiatrist is humoring me when she tells me I have a problem... But anyway... Some of the things that may qualify as 'not normal' about me are:

- Constant suicidal thoughts
- Usual 'low' mood
- I always feel worthless and hate myself and am disgusted by myself (probably my biggest problem)
- I can get very excited very easily over small stupid things (such as eating a certain meal) and can get very depressed very easily over small stupid things (such as a friend 'jokingly' making fun of my thumbs) - this usually happens once or twice every two weeks or so
- I NEVER let anyone know how I'm feeling especially if they're feelings of sadness
- I'm extrememly protective over all my stuff

Ok that's how I am now. One of the main reasons I doubt I'm depressed is b/c 5 years back when I was 13, my problems were A LOT worse, so they just seem really insignificant and dialed down now. I used to have depressive episodes every night with a lot of crying, had 3 panic attacks that year, had manic episodes most mornings, was very paranoid, delusional (and so, did not trust anyone for 'help'), and I thought I could hear and see things. So, I think part of the reason I'm acting this way now is maybe b/c I miss how it was back in grade 8, which I found to be my best and worst year. This isn't something sudden that's come back this year, though. It's just died down after grade 9.

So, do you guys think there's nothing wrong with me and that I'm doing this all for attention? That's something that I consider a lot and I think my therapist and psychiatrist think so to. Plus, the more I'm starting to see them the more I realize that they're starting to make me feel a lot worse about myself. Have any of you experienced this with any of your psychiatrists or therapists? If you have, did changing the psych or therapist help or was it solely your problem?"

Source: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20091130214825AAgrkws