Sorry

"i find i use listening to sad music as a way of being accessing my thoughts and emotions. i try block them out and have found the key to doing that is to listen to happy music only. but i have recently found about 4 really nice songs but they are sad and about people dying and commit suicide. it makes me sad but i find its only in the times that i get so extremely low that im condidering suicide i am able to acually acess what it is i feel. lik when i wrote the list of reasones to go, it wasnt a list of just why to go but a list of problems and its the list that when professionals ask my to say in therapy i have never ever been able to say to anyone.
so at one point of view its great i can finally access my true feelings and write them out in some way to give to the professionals but at same time i also just about ready to kill myself. there isnt really any half way ground either with the music.
i just dont know, i know you have to get worse to get better but i feel its dangerous bussiness. my crisis team appear to have left me now for some reasone just stoped calling and stuff and i only get my therapy once every two weeks , i just feel so alone in doing this.

i guess i dont really know the point in this post becasue im waffling but i just feel alone in trying to figure whats wrong with me.

sorry."

Source: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression/forum/8584059-processing-thoughtssad-music