I'm a worthless piece of shit

"I've been drunk alot this week. Somehow now, in my despair, I manage to come to the conclusion that it may have been an attempt to escape. Or it may not but rather just me feeling like getting drunk. However, I feel like I want to die.

When I say "I" I really mean "who I am now". I don't want to be the "me" I am at the moment, I don't want to be who I am right now. I don't want to feel like I do. And I don't even feel anything painful or entangling. I just feel like a worthless piece of shit.

I worked with Frida today and it went good. I got some good news from my boss that said he pretty much told the bitch that she will not work in the Bar at Bliss. Which relieves me, but also leaves me not feeling better. I just feel less anxious. I have been dreading the fact that me and Frida work together at the same bar. It's disturbing and makes it feel like a competition, specially since she doesn't know shit about being a bartender and hardly even of being a waiter (wich is what she does at the bar) but insists on trying to work at the bar.

I guess I've been afraid that she'll win the battle by fucking one of the bosses, but I know she's too classy for that, while at the same time preparing not to be surprised if it would occur.

I don't know why I feel worthless. Maybe it's because I don't have a girlfriend and I guess that kind of makes me a looser for not being able to get one. At the same time, I've turned some women down. So why do I feel like a looser?

Because I've gotten rejected so many times.

I'm not a player, I'm nothing. I'm a worthless piece of shit and wether that's true or not is unimportant, I feel that way no matter how hard I try not to.

Maybe I am worthless. I am in debt, I don't have a job, I can't get one and I can't seem to finish (or progress)on any of the projects I'm working on, which means I can't even write which I believe myself to be best at.

So overall I just feel like I suck and there's too many evidence to prove it for me to try to ignore it and feel like something as ordinary as a stand up guy...

I hate myself and I want to die."

Source: http://strangerspath.blogspot.com/