I started cutting again

"Life is beginning to sink right beneath my feet. I found a new addiction; however i can not have it all the time. It is my brothers aniety pills. I need them to stay calm and happy and free of care. I have to find a way to sneak them. I am done with trying to find love, itjust isn't gonna happen with me. I started cutting again, I figured it was the only thing that I could resort to without the pill.

You can not help who you love, and who you are attracted to. My old man put the age label on it and he is just to busy for me. He doesn't understand he may need me more than anything, however that's the way life is.

I am getting scared of myself. I'm starting to have terrible thoughts. I'm starting to figure that I might OD accidentally from wanting to get rid of the emotional pain. I don't get this life, I don't get why God won't throw me a fair hand. I won't question, it just won't do me any good. I keep my innocence by watching childrens shows, yet I am an extremely mature person, and this is what makes me believe that spiritualists may be right....because I seem like a starseed or an indigo. An old soul, which is precisely the problem. Christians don't believe that, and that is where I get confused...

Anyways, today my grandmother introducced me to the fact that maybe I should go to job cors. I don't want to do that at all. It is not where my heart is at. Yet, I was thinking that maybe I should just to get back at some people, but then again id only be getting back at myself. I hate summer, nothing ever happens for me. When will i ever get my time? My turn to shine. I'm sick of living in this house, living poor with a racist father who won't allow me to do anything. This just makes me wanna die. Why god?

Why do things have to be this way? Why"

Source: http://overthecounterdrugs.blogspot.com/