No one else would have to look at me or be burdened by the disgusting pulsing blob which is me

"I'm absolutely loosing my mind. Absolutely. Loosing. My. Fucking. Mind.

I really can't take it anymore. I can't take being fat. I can't take being so FUCKING ugly. I can't take it. I just can't.

I tried on 3 pairs of jeans, seven shirts, three pairs of shoes and even after all that felt like pulling my hair out. Everything I have makes me look fatter. Even the shirts that "flow" over my pudgy stomach. I have ugly broad shoulders and I look like a FUCKING freak. A. FUCKING. Freak.

I pretty much lost it. I ended up wearing a boring red shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. Still hated it. Put on makeup. Hated it. I looked stupid. Always have, always will. Even makeup can't correct my fat, ugly, bad-featured face.

I can't even look good in the clothes I buy. What the hell is wrong with me? Why would God make me ugly and fat and disgusting while everyone else is skinny and beautiful and attractive and just fantastic? Unless he just wanted someone to torture and play with...then I'd fit the description.

Seriously. No guy is going to want to EVER go out with me. I don't blame them. I am so ugly most of them probably throw up in their mouths when they look at me. I should just starve myself. When I become an adult I'd give up ALL my college money and work money to pay for LipoSuction and Botox so I didn't look so disgusting. I'd take living on the streets if I was pretty. Then maybe a man will actually like me and want me. BUT NO!!

Personality doesn't matter. At all. Why do people keep telling me this? If it DID matter then I'd have a boyfriend. Which I don't. And probably never will have. I'm 15 with no boyfriend. 15!!!! I seriously have no chance of ever being happy.

So today I start my final "test". To see if I can not eat for days on end (or eat hardly anything) exercise like HELL and wear lots of makeup to make my face look better. Or maybe I'll just kill myself. Or take some pills and die in my sleep. That'd be nice. That way no one else would have to look at me or be burdened by the disgusting pulsing blob which is me."

Source: http://www.thoughts.com/Lonelycow/blog/help-me-im-loosing-my-mind-362090/