"I am going through a really tough time. I keep --- I keep feeling like I shouldn't be going here (my memories) --- but I also feel like I must. Memories of definite abuse ARE coming to the surface. Not yet sexual abuse ----- but I know its there. I also know I am still unprepared to deal with those memories. One --- especially disturbs me -- and I need to share it. I need to hear people respond, and talk about it. I need that. Please do not be afraid of giving me bad advice, or thinking "I have little to contribute." -- ANYTHING which seems really obvious to you, or which seems already covered --- please contribute.
I just remembered this, and so I came here to make this post.
I was about 12 years old and I was in the living room with my dad. He was doing something and I do not know what. But what I do remember, is what I was doing, and what happened next. I can see myself clearly, and I cannot see him - except for afterwards. This is hard to talk about .
I was praying. I am no longer religious like I was as a kid. I was praying, to God, in front of my dad, for him to stop what he was doing. I was crying profusely. I was praying as though my dad wasn't even there, and he could hear, and I was beside myself with pain. I remember some of it. I was asking God to make my dad stop whatever it was he was doing. It was as though I was in a surreal environment where my dad didn't exist, and only I existed with my prayer.
I remember that as I was doing this, my dad started crying, and told me he was sorry, and started holding me and appeared genuinely remorseful for whatever was going on. I remember not wanting him to hold me, I remember wanting to disappear.
In remembering this memory, any doubt that I was abused as a child has gone out the window. I know now my dad abused me. I do not know to what extent, but I know as sure as the sky is blue that there is no way on earth I would have been that distraught, so as to pray to God in front of my dad in his presence for him to stop --- had something REALLY bad not been going on.
Thank you for listening."
Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/98p47/i_really_need_help_again_please_respond/
