Sometimes I try and think of how it'll be - nothingness

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I feel empty inside and can't feel emotion. I'm lashing out at a lot of people around me, and closing myself off from others. My job is soul crushing. I went into it straight from school, and have never had "A break" so to speak.

Do I deserve one? Do others get breaks. I feel selfish for wanting one.

I feel like a cloud is inside my head. I used to be intelligent. I feel anything but that now.

I feel like I am going insane. Then I think my head is making it all up, and I'm not insane. I don't know what to believe. I saw a face on my wall a few weeks ago. A kid who was killed in Chernobyl. He blamed me, and showed me what he would look like had I not killed him.

I have such vivid dreams. Would it be a bad thing to sleep, dream and never wake up?

I've been holding my head and my life together with sellotape for a long time now, but I don't think I can do it anymore.

I have pills due to arrive tomorrow. I want to take them all and put an end to this life.

Sometimes I try and think of how it'll be - nothingness. My mind boggles at the thought, but it is not too far away from what I feel now

I have an appointment with a counselor, but don't see the point in going. I'll either lie, or close myself off to her. I can't stop doing this

I need help, Reddit. You guys are the smartest people I know."

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/b2x6r/i_feel_empty/