Stuck with too much hell on my plate

"It was his birthday. They said I looked depressed.

Another day I let slip through my fingers. (I went to the bathroom stall...it was my period after all)

I contemplated how I'd fuck it up later (not him of course....no I'm not a whore)

No, I was seriously just kidding myself (because who else was I but ignored?)

I thought about the white not black. The spaces that I lacked. or....

He pretended to pay for my tab. 15 dollars or more

And then I walked back while he followed me up the road

To tell me I deserved to live not die

Like a movie....but not one I could even write

"Snitch!" The students yelled. It was mostly Patrick.

If I have issues, one of them is that I'm not really a loud mouth.

But what do you do, when the police confront you?

Rudy says that it was meant to be. Everything happens for a reason....

(so why did I accidentally call my dad when Rudy was giving me his number?

How did that happen? It must've meant something....

But my dad was worried. He said he heard the conversation

But he never said stay away from that man...he just said "He sounded concerned")

I admit I've been burned

On thursday they searched my room, and took me to the police station.

Confined me in a room and interrogated me about who sold me----

and it came tumbling out like all the prescription pills....

That I'm vowing to no longer take. They say "you're empty"

I'm no Sylvia Plath, and ovens are not cool to me.

And people can tell when I'm baked.

You get too lost in yourself, too vain, and your veins run dry.

I'll never take drugs again...20 people are my enemy.

I left the bar at about 11 pm. And Rudy ran after me

He caught up and caught his breath and he's 15 years older than I

He told me, never give up....because he thought I was going to

Kill myself? Well when people harass you so much

You'd like to do it sometimes, but I'm someone else

And I don't kill myself because of what people say or do.

They can laugh, make fun of me. They deserve their punishments

And I'm glad they're in trouble because they don't deserve

My sticking up for them....when it's 3 am again and I'm awake

Stuck with too much hell on my plate

Attempted murder, acid, alcohol, pot, suicide,

I'll skip out on the ride. What's on the inside?"

Source: http://jaggedpilldiaries.blogspot.com/