I don't want to wake up anymore

"Dumb. Wrong. Not right.

Okay, I get it. I've done so many mistakes towards people. I disappoint my friends a lot of times. I've been whiny and insensitive. But should they really be mad at me like that? Okay, they can. But honestly I just can't take it. It hurts so bad I really wanna kill myself right now.

My mom didn't think that I understand all of those chinese talking she did in the car with my dad? I know she's tired of bringing me to the hospital back and forth, I know she's tired and everything. So why didn't she say it? If she doesn't really want to believe that I'm sick, or doesn't want to bring me to the hospital?

I'm tired of living. I just wanna ruin my life once and for all.

I don't want to go to school. I don't want to see or think about Raga anymore. I also doesn't want to disappoint anybody anymore, including myself. I don't want to make insensitive jokes or humiliate anybody anymore. I don't want to be in anybody's view because I'm ugly and I have so many flaws that are not appropriate for people to see or even to be friends with.

Just stop attacking me with guilt. Stop to laugh at my jokes if you don't want to and just don't care about me because it's useless if you didn't really care about me and you still stick around anyway.

I know I can't survive being alone. So what? Maybe being alone is great. I can build up those feelings and at the end I just can kill myself and be free from this endless drama and hurtings.

I hate myself. I hate this guilty feelings. I'm tired of being sick physically and mentally. I'm just tired with hatred towards everything!

I don't want to wake up anymore."

Source: http://writemenotyou.blogspot.com/

I only have but love to give and yet that is not enough

"I think I’m going to Kill myself… last words, to many lost memories. Idiots all of us to put up with this stench of a human condition. A monetary system slowly killing souls, including mine. I only have but love to give and yet that is not enough, as were all only thinking about how much we can afford to give. I can no longer afford all this, however have so much to give, but no one willing to receive. I miss being a child. I miss, past tense and so will this be. I hold you all in my heart and miss every minute I have spent with you. And pray to spend it with you again in my dreams. Bye. I hope you don’t dwell on me if I’ve let you down or cause you pain. I’m not worth it. Love Fil. :)"

Source: http://filbones.wordpress.com/2009/11/06/i-think-im-going-to-kill-myself/

I feel like im not here

"Whats wrong with me am i depressed?... I feel so low all the time, i just feel numb
i feel like im not here like im being ignored but im not.
I dont feel happy atall, i wish i would be.
My biggest fear is dying but ive wanted to kill myself.
Ive self harmed, im scared all the time and i dont know why.
i cant be by myself atall, im scared to sleep for some reason.
what could be wrong?"

Source: http://mentalhealthcares.blogspot.com/2009/11/whats-wrong-with-me-am-i-depressed.html

It's like I'm slowly dying just staying alive postpones the inevitable

"So I have suicidal thoughts, am depressed and I generally feel like shit. It's like I'm slowly dying just staying alive postpones the inevitable. Well not all the time though, I'm trying to get by with work + uni studies. I feel like I'm slacking/not giving a shit too effin much in those regards, but no one tells me that. (But that is not half of my issues)

I've seen my doctor, and she has finally referred me to several psychologists but it might take a while till I get an appointment from one (damn the country I'm living in, but's probably not any better in any other)

Well my problem is that opening up about these things is so damn hard it physically hurts me, I just want smash through a wall or something lol. And I get all these doubts like, "get over your fscking self it's no big deal" and thus in the end I feel that nothing will come if this. Anyone else had these kinds of doubts?

Edit: Thanks for all your thoughtful replies. I wasn't aiming for an IAMA thread so I'll stop now :)"

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/a0pa9/trying_to_get_help/

Now death seems like the only thing i should do

"m 15 and have had a quite **** life so far, i suffer from deppresion, which i got treatment for ages ago. untill it stopped. so ive been trying to deal with stuff on my own, i cant ask my mam for help has she also suffers from deppresion. recently ive got to the point were i jsut want to die, i started to self harm on the tops of me arms and i stole my mams anti deppreion tablets to cope. i did this for quite a while but it isnt helping any more. now death seems like the only thing i should do, but im actually too scared to do it, ive been tempted to do it when self harming but i cant do it, cos deep down i know ill hurt everyone around me. im so confused, i dont want to live but i cant kill myself. i cant take it any more i dont know wat to do, i know im only young but i dont want to carry on living like this cos i know ill die alone and have no future. i need help, what should i do ?"

Source: http://anti-agingsite.info/im-want-to-die-but-if-im-honest-i-cant-kill-my-self-cos-im-to-scared.html

I hate my life

"my life sucks. i used to be happy, i had a bunch of friends, but my group started doing things that I didnt like. i tried to stop them from doing the stuff that they did, but they just rejected me and started ganging up on me.

most of the kids in my old group would have commited suicide if not for me to be there for them when nobody else was and help them.

nevertheless, they started being jerks to me and wouldnt hang out with me anymore. they had convinced their parents, too, that i was a bad example and that their kids shouldnt be in contact with me at all.

i said "hi" to them in the halls, and they looked at me like theyve never seen me ever.
the kids, as a consequence of the things that they had got into, became the most popular kids in my school. one of the kids now beats me up physically and verbally. i am always depressed, because they ruined my great reputation, making other kids think that i am stupid, and that i have a messed up home life.

my parents dont understand me when i talk to them, and their main focus is for me to do better in school.

i have no friends as of now, and i am one of the most unpopular kids in the school. what do i do? i dont deserve this. i was thinking about suicide a couple of minutes ago. im especially depressed today.

please help and reply with suggestions."

Source: http://www.teenhut.net/depression-self-harm-suicide/82302-i-hate-my-life.html

I honestly dont care if it hurts others because others have hurt me so profoundly

"I honestly do not see whats so bad about it. the past few days ive remember that i will die one day. Its a hard pill to swallow when youvbe been screwed out of your 5 of your good years. I dont know what i am going to do but i feel like suicide is on the table. i honestly dont care if it hurts others because others have hurt me so profoundly that its come to this. i dont know what the point of life is when ti has to be mediocre. i did not survive 5 years of pelvic pain and a life with a limp to live this out in a lackluster fashion. id rather be dead. thoughts?"

Source: http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Depression/forum/8323496-questions-suicide-trigger