I don't want to wake up anymore

"Dumb. Wrong. Not right.

Okay, I get it. I've done so many mistakes towards people. I disappoint my friends a lot of times. I've been whiny and insensitive. But should they really be mad at me like that? Okay, they can. But honestly I just can't take it. It hurts so bad I really wanna kill myself right now.

My mom didn't think that I understand all of those chinese talking she did in the car with my dad? I know she's tired of bringing me to the hospital back and forth, I know she's tired and everything. So why didn't she say it? If she doesn't really want to believe that I'm sick, or doesn't want to bring me to the hospital?

I'm tired of living. I just wanna ruin my life once and for all.

I don't want to go to school. I don't want to see or think about Raga anymore. I also doesn't want to disappoint anybody anymore, including myself. I don't want to make insensitive jokes or humiliate anybody anymore. I don't want to be in anybody's view because I'm ugly and I have so many flaws that are not appropriate for people to see or even to be friends with.

Just stop attacking me with guilt. Stop to laugh at my jokes if you don't want to and just don't care about me because it's useless if you didn't really care about me and you still stick around anyway.

I know I can't survive being alone. So what? Maybe being alone is great. I can build up those feelings and at the end I just can kill myself and be free from this endless drama and hurtings.

I hate myself. I hate this guilty feelings. I'm tired of being sick physically and mentally. I'm just tired with hatred towards everything!

I don't want to wake up anymore."

Source: http://writemenotyou.blogspot.com/