It's like I'm slowly dying just staying alive postpones the inevitable

"So I have suicidal thoughts, am depressed and I generally feel like shit. It's like I'm slowly dying just staying alive postpones the inevitable. Well not all the time though, I'm trying to get by with work + uni studies. I feel like I'm slacking/not giving a shit too effin much in those regards, but no one tells me that. (But that is not half of my issues)

I've seen my doctor, and she has finally referred me to several psychologists but it might take a while till I get an appointment from one (damn the country I'm living in, but's probably not any better in any other)

Well my problem is that opening up about these things is so damn hard it physically hurts me, I just want smash through a wall or something lol. And I get all these doubts like, "get over your fscking self it's no big deal" and thus in the end I feel that nothing will come if this. Anyone else had these kinds of doubts?

Edit: Thanks for all your thoughtful replies. I wasn't aiming for an IAMA thread so I'll stop now :)"

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/a0pa9/trying_to_get_help/