The End

"Right at this moment, I can at least think about it. However a few days ago, I was about ready to go through with dying. I was so depressed that my mind hurt, that I could almost not think of anything else but a way out. Every new day feels like I just trying to distract myself, like I am procrastinating what I need to do. Everything has been wrong for a long time, and its been getting worse lately, to make a longer story short.

I haven't told any of my friends really. (don't have a very close relationship to family) I have told my girlfriend I am depressed, and hinted to other friends that I am suicidal and/or depressed, but I think they think I am joking...I joke around a lot. I am afraid to tell them, because if I actually do tell them then when they realize how serious I am, they will probably begin a series of events that will lead me to being hauled off to some sort of suicide watch ward. I am not sure exactly how likely I am to go through with it...but I guess I am serious enough that I don't want to cut out any options at this point.

To be truthful, I am scared. I am scared of what would happen if I were sent to a ward, or whatever you want to call it. I feel like it would be humiliating. I do not think I could control who all found out. On the other hand, death would just be sweet release. Nothingness. The End.

I am not really sure what I am trying to say, actually. I don't know what I expect. In real life, I have become so accustomed to acting normally even though I am far from OK, that I find it hard to even talk about feeling this way. I tried a couple times. It doesn't feel natural, it feels like I would be talking about somebody else. I don't know how to describe it.

But here I am."

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/acow1/thinking_about_going_through_with_it_tbh/