I used to have plans, but now nothing

"i have hated life since the 1st grade.

I am only 12, but i have lived a life of extreme saddness

i have tried to kill my self about 10-12 times, yet each time there is something stopping me. I am very religious and i feel like god dose not care about me. He dose not want me here, but there is a reson i am here still. Right?

each time i try i try to stangle my self with either a knee high sock or rope. is there something that could helpme with that?

i am already going to a phycyatrist and i am on a 50 mg or 75 mg of zoloft

i tried prosac, it didnt work. i tried meditating like my aunt. still no results. sometimes i cut my self, yet i find it inconvinient if you just want to leave the face of the earth. Sometimes i say too much. once when with whom is now an enemy (used to be my best friend until one small coment), i blurted out that i was thinking about killing myself that very night. After that the only times she would talk to me was to just coment rude things about me, which im not sure i want to put on here.

Usually the one thing stopping me from dying, is a person. CONNOR. and ithink i might LOVE him. not middle school crush love, but actual love. Connor was with me the entire time through fifth grade up until now. i’ve never had the nerve to actualy tell him though…

but the people who make me feel like the most crap are all in my family.

my dad – he never pays any attention except every once in a while,

mom – she lies to me, she makes me want to run away every day.

my sister – sometimes she actually saves me, but she yells and screams at me, makes me feel like im not important.

i know what maybe all the people who read this may think “She dosent know what she is talking about! she is only twelve!”

i do know. i have an iq of 143. am i not smart? last year i ran for class tresurer, i got 10 vots because “im not smart enough” i am 4 foot 10, once again i am 12 obviously a reson i am teased.

once again i am 12, you may say i am only 12, but have you gone 4th grade with only 2 friends? well?

im only 12! i cant cope with it!

im also the type of person who thinks beauty isnt everything. so some mornings i go to school without brushing my hair. yet another reason i am teased.

im not sure with how much i can cope with at my age, with my life…

please if you care at all you would leave a comment telling me what i can do to change my life, make it better PLEASE.

i used to have plans, but now nothing"

Source: http://suicideproject.org/2009/12/if-you-care-read/