I shouldn't feel like this anymore

"hey guys im still alive

unfortunately

i drink alone at night now

and on two occasions now, girls have tried to hook up with me and i just lock up. it's been ten months since my last relationship and i don't even know how to handle it anymore. shrinks don't help me. i wish i could die but i'm not strong-willed enough to kill myself. and to everyone else, i am this huge perfectionist. i just want to be held and i'm a grown adult and i shouldn't feel like this anymore. i'm tired of faking happiness, i just want to get drugged into being happy cause at this point that's the only way i'm going to feel it."

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/aghgm/aahahahahah/