This sounds bad but I feel that the best choice for me and the baby is death

"This is kinda a sob story but I need some advice.

I’m 18 weeks pregnant and suffer from clinical depression. My pdoc and I decided that antidepressants would be good for me because of the depression and I’m currently taking 100mg of Zoloft. But the thing is that I feel no better. I guess you could say I’m better because I’m not constantly crying but that doesn’t mean much to me. I am unable to work because of the depression and schizo affective disorder…which means money if so tight that I can’t even buy shampoo when I need it. I’ve had to sell my books to make money to buy toilet paper and pay for a co-pay to visit a doctor. I’ve tried talking to the father of the baby but he wants nothing to do with me or the baby. I’m to the point where nothing seems to be ok and I feel that the future is just going to get worse and worse. The voices are getting louder and the shadow people are showing up everywhere. This sounds bad but I feel that the best choice for me and the baby is death. I don’t want the baby in a world where no one is willing to help out when it’s needed. I’ve tried getting cash assistance but I’ve been denied because apparently making nothing but what SSDI pays me is too much.

Here’s the thing. I’ve honestly been thinking about suicide a lot lately and I know that I should get help but why? The hospital, altho helpful, isn’t going to fix the problem. They might even decide to take the baby away if I make it to birth. I don’t want to lose the baby…and yes I know that contradicts my thoughts that the baby shouldn’t live in a world where no one will help out.

Geez I sound so pathetic. There are so many people out there who are worse off than I am and I want to kill myself…hahaha.

I’ve tried calling the clinic where I receive psychiatric help but I’m not allowed to have my pdoc’s office phone number and the nurse that is there never answers the phone. I leave messages but she still hasn’t gotten back with me and the last message I left was on Wednesday. I’m at my wits end.

My family, altho they said they’d help me with anything, lied. They won’t help buy food or shampoo. They won’t give me money for gas to put in my car. They think I’m making up the mood disorder and the voices and what not for attention. My older brother sent me a message on Facebook saying "Get a job and exercise." Family isn’t an option.

And before you say go to the hospital, I have disappointed my family by going to the hospital before and they’ve told me that I’d be a bigger disappointment if I went again.

I just don’t know what to do. The fact that I never sleep anymore doesn’t help. I’ve tried everything there. From changing my sleep patterns and hygiene to drinking warm milk and sleepytime tea. I’ve even been taking unisom because I can’t take insomnia meds. (I’m diagnosed with insomnia BTW).

What advice can you give me that might help.

Thanks
BTW, I’m unable to work because of my disabilities. If I didn’t mention that I am now. Please don’t suggest I get a job because I CAN’T work."

Source: http://insomniacurehomeremedy.com/2392/pregnant-and-depressed-please-read/