Everything in my head tells me to end my life now

"I used to think I was lucky. That I had it made. And I was lucky. But only because I thought I was. I turns out that your mind truly is the only thing that can make you happy. Now, when I look back on my past, and not with the mind of a 10 year old, I realize how absolutely wrong I was. My life was anything but perfect. My life is anything but perfect. I don't know what to do now. I hate that I have a logical mind. Everything in my head tells me to end my life now. Everything in my heart tells me not to do it, for my family's sake. And that's who I am. I live for my family, I live to make my family happy. And I'm not doing a very good job. I don't know how to make them happy anymore, and that's where my head comes in. It says, you're not helping them, why stay. Why keep trying and not succeeding. Then my heart says, you know better. Your family loves you no matter what and killing yourself will only make it worse. So now, I do what my family wants rahter than what I truly want to do. I want it o be over. I want to be done. I want to die.

But I wont. I wont kill myself. I will just keep withering away inside my mind, because I will truly hurt my family if I do it. So I wont kill myself. Not physically anyway. My mind is already dead. It died with the longing to make my death complete.

I suppose I will just keep wearing this fake smile everyday and pretend I'm okay. I think they know better though. Oh well. I just hope an accident comes along and ends it all so I wont have to deal with the fact that I did that to my family for the rest of eternity in my afterlife.

Tell me something...am I convincing? =D"

Source: http://mylifeitshardbutitsmine.blogspot.com/