I just want to permanently lose consciousness

"I'm bipolar and I've been getting more and more depressed recently. My therapist (who I really like) wants to end sessions because I'm not really making any progress.

There's a girl I had a really good relationship with for a while who now wants to "just be friends" but still wants me to sleep with her, just not have any real relationship. I'm terrified of rejection so I can't bring myself to meet anyone new. I really need people though so I still do stuff with her even though I feel terrible about wasting my time with something that can't go anywhere.

I've spent most of this past week trying to stay asleep just so I won't think about things. After going a fair amount of time without cutting myself last week I started again and I did a lot today. I've been taking over the counter sleeping pills just to keep reality at bay (I know how insanely stupid that is). I'll go a day or so without eating because I just feel sick to my stomach all the time. I spend a lot of time fantasizing about being dead and know exactly how I should do it. The only reason I have for not just killing myself is what it would do to my sister. I love her more than anything but I hate my life. I have to stick around just so I don't disappoint her. All I want anymore is to have a few close relationships with other people but I'm too afraid of them hating me to even talk to them.

I just want to permanently lose consciousness so I won't have to deal with all the stuff I'm so scared of. I don't have any personal reason to stay alive anymore.

I've posted here way too much so mods feel free to delete this."

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/SuicideWatch/comments/a882w/i_just_want_to_quit/