Dreading the idea of another day on this miserable ball of water and dirt

"Yesterday I had one of my really bad days. I was already feeling sort of shitty from the beginning of the day (It was class registration and nobody knew what the fuck they were doing or they were just being a bitch), and then my 360 broke the same way it broke in late November and for some reason that just turned me into a miserable person about everything on the planet. I was enraged, sad, sick, tired, sick and tired, and any other negative emotion you could come up with.

My depressed days aren’t like that of the typical depressed person. I’m sad, but rather than cry about it, I usually just want to break shit.

I never do. I never get violent, but I just sit in my room brewing. Being filled up with so much rage that I guarantee, should my brother said one more thing I didn’t like, I would have ripped his face off.

That’s just how I get. I hate everybody I live with. I hate the people I don’t live with.

I hate politicians even more than I do normally.

I hate the corporations that buy our politicians and the fact that nobody really seems to be able to notice it or care, even more than I do normally.

I hate games more than I do normally. The whole 360 thing really pisses me off because it’s the first console I’ve ever been afraid to actually touch for fear of the thing breaking. If it’s too close to my dvd player I get a hard drive failure, and the plugs are so stiff that you’re just bound to break the fucking thing by just trying to unplug it..

I want to be the anti-fanboy. A hate-boy, if you will. I will play every game system but a 360. That is, if I didn’t own so many fucking games for the thing.

I hate my life even more than I do normally. I don’t know what I want to do with my life and I don’t even have a direction. I hate writers, even though I love writing. I can’t really do anything else I want for one reason or another. I hate that I’m going to be going to high school for another class even though I’m technically done.

That’s a lot of hate, right?

Then I go to bed. Dreading the idea of another day on this miserable ball of water and dirt. There is no way I won’t kill myself tomorrow.

Then I wake up, and I feel better. Less anxious. I still hate the same things I did the day before, but I’m not enslaved by that anger.

The reason I call it the depression hangover is that along with the embarrassment of how I was feeling yesterday, I have this throbbing headache like I do after a night of drinking.

My theory is, my depression is a result of my brain deciding to get drunk on anger and sadness. If you don’t fuck your brain up with alcohol, it will find something else.

Alright, that’s a stupid theory. Hell, it’s not even a theory.

Oh well. Have a good day."

Source: http://adentai.wordpress.com/2010/01/26/a-depression-hangover/