Slowly but surely I seem to be losing everything

"I'm young. Too young--in my opinion--to desire to kill myself, but I often do. This is not an outcry for help and/or attention. I am getting help, and somedays I even feel as though I have returned. However, I find that the majority of my time is spent in this state of being in which I am absolutely worthless. I tell myself the most awful things--most of which I know are not true. I will call myself stupid even though I have not received a 'b' since Middle School, I have above a 4.0 gpa, and am currently taking all AP classes save one. Regardless of the facts, I will brutalize myself. "I'm not good enough for that. I suck at this. She obviously hates me. I'm such a dumb ***. You're a fat and lazy waste of life." This monkey on my back (depression) has been there my entire life. The direct consequence of which would be that I have hated no one in my life more than I hate myself. Even as I type this, my mind is ridiculing my need to do so. I'm trying to rid myself of the monkey, but man does he have a monster grip! Slowly but surely I seem to be losing everything I have deemed important in my life. Instead of doing my homework through uncontrollable sobs I have merely stopped. My anger has and continues to push anyone that I love away. Perhaps I feel as though I do not deserve them.

Truthfully, I am fighting a war that has been striving for many years, but I am tired. Spiritually, Emotionally, Physically, Mentally... I am exhausted. The mask I put on when everything is breaking under my feet weighs a metric ton, and keeping over my pained face takes all the strength that I encompass. But i'm running low. Life continuously kicks me whilst I am down, and I do not know how much longer I can take the blows.

Must keep fighting though. Never give up. I'll never lose this fight."

Source: http://www.experienceproject.com/stories/Battle-Depression/864828