I am seriously fucked

"So I've been thinking a lot lately, which really is a pretty dangerous thing for me to do. When I think I usually just come to the conclusion that I'm too fucked and should just kill myself. I haven't exactly gotten that bad, yet, but I am certainly getting there.
Anyway, what I've been thinking about mostly the past few days is why I can't just like/fall in love with someone who might be a little bit good for me. I mean, why is it the only people I have any “romantic”(and that is a pretty fucked up meaning of that once nice word) feelings toward are clearly bad people? One person who I like has specifically told me they don't care whether they talk to me or not, another has actually destroyed my property, and a third is just a whole mess all by himself.
But then I can find three guys who have liked me. The first-compliments me endlessly. The second-has told me that I deserve to have people care about me(what an idiot, right?). The third- is possibly the sweetest, most innocent boy on the planet. Do I like them? Hell no. It bothers me that they like me. It actually annoys me.
I just cannot stand to be liked.
In a way I suppose I am protecting them because I realized a while ago that I tended not to like those nice boys who would treat me like a human being, but just recently someone questioned why I don't like to be liked, and I had no answer for him. I don't like to be liked because that's too simple, isn't it?
Why don't I just accept it? Why does everything have to be a freaking battle? I don't know. I would love to be in a normal relationship, but clearly the only ones I value are the ones where I get thrown around and treated badly. Yeah, perfect. If I am depressed more than happy then perfect!
I am seriously fucked."

Source: http://chibichibibear.livejournal.com/